“The Second Wave of Grief” Comments, Page 1
You are currently browsing page 1 of comments on the article The Second Wave of Grief.
You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “The Second Wave of Grief”.
13 Responses to “The Second Wave of Grief”
-
Chris
1The wisest thing anyone ever told me about grief is that it doesn’t go away. While the world is waiting for you to “get back to normal,” the hole in your soul doesn’t just go away. It feels like ocean waves–sometimes the waves are calm for days or months or years at a time, and sometimes the waves come crashing down on you again.
-
2
Hi Sarah,
My parents are still both alive, so I only have a little sense of what you are going through.
With something like this we become a different person. And this isn’t easy. No comfort at the moment I know.
Thankyou for an important and valuable post.
-
3
Too right, Chris. Beautifully put.
Thanks Evan. This post just wrote itself!
-
4
Hi Sarah
I understand in many ways: the first depends on belief of reincarnation. The sound of drums set off a grief process for me from a previous lifetime.The second is from survivor’s guilt of a MVA where I have no memory of what happened causing the death of others, the horse I was riding and the eight year old son of the driver of the truck that hit us.
Grief passes from one lifetime to the next if not dealt with during that lifetime. Grief as all emotions has no boundary of time only memory. The body holds memory cellular, spiritual, and mind, but without the memory of the mind grief can become a stagnate pool festering in a person for there is no release for the truth of what is there or not. The stages of grief are constantly played and replayed over and over without end when memory is taken away before it was set in such as in cases of brain injury causing amnesia. The knowledge of those that died is there but for the survivor without memory there is no resolution of grief. The second wave is still the first.
-
5
Sheila, you have given me real food for thought here. I am so sorry to hear of the accident and the ‘survivor’s guilt’ that you now feel. It must be so hard to resolve things which are present and yet not available to the conscious mind. Have you tried any kind of body work to release, in some way, the grief?
-
6
Sarah
I’m glad to see you are still here checking the site.It is pretty much resolved. It took me many years to get the answers from my mother and then my sister. They had watched the accident happen. Mom had driven in the car with my sister and brother to find me, so all three saw the truck hit my horse, my horse ended up on the cab of the truck and I flew over the cab, hit the tailgate and landed on my back behind the truck with my ankles lying beside my ears. Both femurs had compound fractures. My sister said my horse’s head and hooves went through the windshield of the truck. One of her hooves hit the boy in the head killing him instantly. His dad ran to a house nearby to call for help, then came back and sat in the truck looking at his dead son with my horse’s hoof still against his forehead. The man was drunk when he had been driving, my sister said she thinks he eventually committed suicide later in life, I do not know. This all happened in 1974, I was 12 at the time.
Body work does help. I have had it done, but now that my sister just told me the rest of the story a few days ago I may need it down again. If I could do it on myself I would, I have had great success using Healing Touch Trauma Release on others. I even helped a man resolve his night terrors he had been having all his life, he was in his mid thirties when he came to see me. After two treatments he came back and said he was sleeping all night and had no more night terrors.
It is terrible what we are put through during our lives, but if we take it as a lesson and turn it around we can learn something from it to continue or even to help others to continue. Although with a TBI I’m still trying to figure out what I can do from here on. I found I have trouble holding a job; stress causes the TBI symptoms to come out strong. I have trouble with communication in writing and speech if under any kind of pressure, trouble with coordinating time correctly, memory problems and other things. None of which is good if one is a RN, I can no longer work in this field.
-
7
Still here-ish!
It sounds as if you have been tenacious and inventive in finding ways of dealing with what life has dealt you, and found something in yourself which is amazingly helpful to others. Sorry to hear that you have had to give up your nursing work. Much respect to you. That was a horrific thing that happened.
-
8
Sarah
It hurt some to have to give up Nursing, but I still have another avenue to look into. I found psychology the most interesting going through my education and did not believe there was enough of it in the program. As is now I can continue with on-line classes for a BA in psych and possibly further, my greatest concern is will I even be able to use this when or if I finish. I know what some of my deficits are and what the triggers are to some extent. Living with TBI is not easy for anyone but for those like myself that function quiet well most of the time, but tend to lose abilities when stress or increased stimulation appears it is hard. For instance when I start slipping my speech as my PCP put it sounds like someone learning a new language and even though my writing appears good now, it slips to that of a first or second grader level. When this first started happening I didn’t notice it, but my sister said it has been happening slightly over the years. Anyhow I hope I can find something I can eventually do even though a Neuropsychologist told me he could not see what kind of job I would be able to do that would not cause me to much stress. All I know is, I love doing the healing work and for me this is a great benefit. I always get a treatment during the times I give treatments, having the universal energy and spiritual energy run through is wonderful. So whatever I do will always include hands on energetic healing work. My faith gives me knowledge that all will ba as it is suppose to be even as hard as it is to get through many things. -
9
Sounds as if you have already found something that you love. That’s wonderful, and I’m sure there are new directions it will take you. Studying cannot be easy with those possible slips in language… I admire your tenacity.
-
Allie
10You put my sentiment into words so perfectly. My best friend of 21 years was murdered in January, and by March I was fine. In April, I hit a wall. In May I was unconcerned by death- it was a thing that happened to everyone- she was gone, that was it. Dead and gone, big deal. Now, again, in September, I feel as if I’m at the very day they found her body. I’m crying nightly- something that went away for many months, but has suddenly resurfaced. Maybe this is not exactly what you meant, or are feeling, but it helps me to know that other people are going through this ping-pong game of emotion. It’s like I put on a tough face for so long, when it fades, all that is left is my bare, raw skin.
The comment form is currently closed.
Newer Comments »