Tragedy as a Motivator
Sometimes tragedies, losses, or terminal illnesses really galvanise us into action, make our priorities crystal clear, and give us a strength we did not know we had…
We are used to thinking of people who undergo sudden tragic loss, of their own health or of loved ones, as in need of support, as having the right, and even maybe the duty (thinking of the media response to the McCanns) to fall apart. We immediately think of debilitating grief, depression and anxiety that can last for years.
Of course the mourning process goes on for years — the stages of disbelief, anger, sadness and reintegration circling for years, mixing up their order, stabbing at us when we least expect it, just when we think we are free. But sometimes tragedies, losses, or terminal illnesses really galvanise us into action, make our priorities crystal clear, and give us a strength we did not know we had.
In this article from The Guardian, Suzy Walton, a “high flying civil servant” tells her story, of the death of her husband, leaving her as sole parent to two little boys, and her subsequent astonishing career success. “A death-inspired survival instinct is a great incentive to smash glass ceilings”, Walker says, explaining how she motivated herself into the senior civil service (the top 4%), both to gain financial security for her family, and to stop herself “going under” emotionally as she saw happen to some in the young bereaved community.
It’s an inspiring tale, and Walker puts her smashing of the glass ceiling down to a survival instinct to work as hard as possible in her extreme circumstances. She stresses that other women and especially mothers, do come across ever-present discrimination, and that there is plenty of work to be done changing attitudes before working mothers are seen as an asset rather than a liability.
The most inspiring part for me remains the alternative vision of grieving, that sometimes you can use the energy of grief for other ends, to make the most of your life, professionally, creatively, personally or all three; that sometimes it is time to leave the caring and sharing support which is necessary just to keep you on your feet at the start, and to strike out again into the one life you have.
Other articles by Sarah Luczaj
This article was last reviewed by on Friday, 25th January 2008.
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http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/01/25/bereavement-working-mothers-motivation/
29th December 2008
I’ve been divorced for one year now, from a verbally/emotionally abusive man. Typical profile: nice guy on the outside to the outer world, coward on the inside. Reserves his anger for us “special people in his secret world”,can be a really great guy to us…but wait! Boom! Crazy person!-He’s mostly a hostile, self serving, self righteous, entitled, sniveling baby boy-not really he’s 49! Never apologizes of course, never holds himself accountable,we should get over it-he is, obviously never thinks about what his words are doing to his sons spirit. We have 3 teenage sons, and they are such great kids, but they are suffering because of their sick father. One in particular. He’s 16, and a awesome kid. He’s smart, intelligent, athletic, handsome….you name it. The kind of son anyone could be sooo proud of! Unfortunately, I share a 50/50 placement with him,last week my ex “BLEW A GASKET” on the him…of course, unprovoked out of no where 4 days before Christmas. Said he was a bastard of a son, he’s a loser…he’s not going to go anywhere in life…his friends don’t really like him. He kicked him out of his house forever (of course, 3 days later said he never said that) he only wants “respect” from the son first! Ridiculous.I know enough about this to know that any amount of respect would NEVER be enough. I know it’s HIS stuff, not ours..Anyways, my ex tried to get my son to “take the first hit…come on, hit me so I can SNAP YOUR F’N..NECK”! My son, of course never hit him. What if he had? I really don’t know what could have happened. The ex never apologized to him, acts as if it never happened. I understand most of the underlying dynamics with his behavior disorder, but still the court system doesn’t seem to take verbal/emotional abuse seriously. That is here,in Wi., is it prevalent elsewhere?? The ex will no doubt take me back to court for contempt when the 16 year old refuses to go in back to his house in the next few days,(because he’s hurt and pretty much “hates his father”, and the judge we are assigned to has a large chip on his shoulder due to his own divorce, seems to dislike all women and treats me like dirt. I tried the last time we were in court to get him to hear me. To hear what the ex had said to my 16 year old, and I was the one who got lectured! This has to stop. He can’t be around my children. It will only get worse. What actions can I take? I’m out of money for amy lawyer, but I’ll scrape it up somehow if that’s my only avenue to protect my kids. I’m at my wits end. There doesn’t seem to be any justice or info for people in my situation. Namely, the legal system/verbal/emotional abuse of children by a parent/in a divorce situation. I should add, I DID try from the very beginning of my divorce to get the courts to understand the hell I had been living through, what the kids had experienced..with “his “rages”…but wasn’t heard.The ex was able to convince the judge that the boys were not respectful though. All lies! Besides, how could they feel respectful towards a father like that? Honestly. The ex has become much more vocal on the boys now that his #1 victim is gone. PLEASE help if you can. Anything would be helpful. It’s just all so unfair. I’m exhausted, if nothing else, any resources you could refer me to would be much appreciated.`Thank you very much. Shari
29th December 2008
Sarah
Good topic, “Tragedy as a Motivaterâ€. Lady above has much going on, good luck to you.
I try long time to do what is expected. I got married to man 23 years and have 3 wonderful children, he have many affairs, then ask for divorce so he could marry someone I thought was my friend.
I went to nursing school and tried to work, but all stress makes disability show up and now I not able to work, I not work for over year, I live many places over year sometimes in my car and get chase from places I park by police. I now have place living with Nephews. Have a Lawyer and he helping with disability case, I tried Vocational Rehab and they do a Neuropsych eval, I was denied by them and sent a letter telling me; “ I am closing your file with the office of Vocational Rehabilitation Services because you have been found to be too disabled to function in the current work enviorment. The assessment revealed issues with memory and inbility to multi-task as required in most current work enviorments.â€
I have many head injuries over the years and more I try to do what is expected more problems show up. This last year I try hard, but now have more and more communication trouble, and more trouble knowing how to do things I use to do easy, have more headaches all time, but have to wait until have disability to see why they more all time. Have no income, no insurance, disability hearing is set for Feburary 6th so hope goes through this time, with all this I happy for I have warm place to stay now and warm showers to be able to clean every day. I not have this for long time. I also happy I finally got to see my grandson yesterday for first time; he was born in April this year. I not know yet what all wrong, but know is good my son bring his family now so I can have this Christmas time with them.
Yes Tragedy is Motivater, when we at bottom can do noing but climb up again or give up. I not give up. I always know have God, Jesus and Angels with me for stringth, protection and comfort.
Blessings Sheila