Social Anxiety: Are You The Only One?
One thing that strikes me at the moment in my practice is how uniquely isolated so many people are feeling — when they have exactly the same problem! Feeling isolated and judging ourselves as different, and worse than others, tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
One thing that strikes me at the moment in my practice is how uniquely isolated so many people are feeling — when they have exactly the same problem. I have had so many clients who were quite convinced that everyone else was perfectly content and sure of themselves in relationships, whereas they stuck out like a sore thumb by being unable to voice their opinions, or make any real contact with others.
Obviously this is a small, specific group of people who have come for help, but still it seems to me a logical impossibility for each of these people to be the only one suffering in their social groups! I have also been struck by how many people who suffer from what they often label ’self-esteem’ problems are quite confident in the room with me, and quite self aware, sometimes more so than people who come with different kinds of problems.
This is not to dismiss the crippling feelings of anxiety that can descend on people, the feeling that they cannot get through some invisible barrier, that everyone else is real, somehow, and they are not, that they have not been given, or do not give themselves, permission to be spontaneous. I mean to put it in context. Whatever you are feeling, it can probably be exactly described by someone else in the room who has felt the same thing.
Feeling isolated and judging ourselves as different, and worse than others, tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy — we isolate ourselves further. Our protective behaviour slowly becomes a habit, and then a cage. Realising that feelings of isolation are perfectly common and people manage to get around them however they can, e.g. by being loud or by being quiet, and also that others looking at you may well be seeing someone immeasurably more confident than they are, may be the first step in loosening the grip of anxiety and stepping out of the hall of mirrors into a place where real relationships are possible. I wish this for us all!
Other articles by Sarah Luczaj
This article was last reviewed by on Tuesday, 15th January 2008. You can leave a reply below.
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11th February 2008
im suffering from social anxiety disorder but i havent told anyone i have panic attacks just crossing the street especially when cars are stopped. my relationship with my husband has gone down the drain and my kids want to go everywhere and wonder why i dont want to take them i pretend im tired it gets harder every day i often get lost because i panic and i cant ask for directions.i have three kids so its very hard to get professional help noone wants children in their office. what should i do? im desperate.
2nd December 2008
I suffer from social anxiety disorder and as a result I have become isolated and depressed. I don’t have anyone that understands it and that just makes me feel even more alone. I don’t date and I don’t have any friends. I went in for observation hours at the hospital and the lady told me that I needed to get a personality. I have been prescribed antidepressants and anxiety medication but I am too afraid to take them. I don’t really know where my life is going to end up. I need help.
4th December 2008
Khristi, please take heart! Alhough, as Sarah said, you may feel like you “cannot get through some invisible barrier, that everyone else is real”, please let me assure you that you are NOT the only person who feels this way. I suffer from social anxiety disorder (SAD) myself. Most likely, I will never be a social butterfly, but I am working on relieving my SAD and I can report that I’m am feeling better as time goes on. I’m not a professional, so please don’t take any of the following as an absolute prescription, but here’s what I am doing:
1. I am taking antidepressant medication. It took quite a while for my doctor and I to find the right combination of meds, but now that we have, the meds greatly help alleviate my feelings of depression.
2. I am seeing a wonderfully understanding and caring therapist. The time I spend with my therapist is a safe haven in what often seems (to me) like a harsh world. I heartily recommend finding a good therapist, particularly someone who has a background in treating SAD or other anxiety disorders.
3. I am working through the cognitive behavioral therapy series “Overcoming Social Anxiety: Step By Step”. It is available for purchase through the Social Anxiety Institute. Their website is http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org. I recommend you visit their site, and read some of the personal stories (or watch the videos) of people who are working to manage their SAD. The institute also offers an international group therapy program once a year, if that is a feasible option for you.
Good luck, Khristi, and check back in here at counsellingresource.com. I hope to hear from you again, and I hope some of the therapists here can offer you some advice as well.