Many thanks to you all for your continued comments and for the great support which folks have been offering to one another!

In order to keep the response from our server snappy, we’re going to open a new thread for continuing comments, while closing this current thread. Don’t worry, the discussion can continue exactly as before, we’re just moving on to a new individual post so the server doesn’t get bogged down. Here’s the new thread:

http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/11/15/1000-questions-and-comments/

Thanks again for all your comments!

All the best,
Greg

It is great to hear that you are being resilient. It does feel good, doesn’t it, to not act on our vulnerability?

Be strong…I know it will be hard if it does continue but you know what the right thing to do is…

Good for you! You’re saving yourself a lot of turmoil by not listening to the messages. Keep at it and they will stop.

Thanks for the update!

~Wendy

So as you all know, sunday was my ex’s birthday and yesterday was her son’s. I did not call, to be honest I didn’t even have the urge to call and I felt damn good about that.

Today.

I’m sitting at my computer, its about 430 in the afternoon when I see my cell phone flashing…I look, and its some weird 15 digit number, so I’m like ok telemarketers must be going to extremes these days. I don’t answer, obviously, but 2 minutes later I get a message saying I got a new voicemail. So I call my voice mail and it says you have one new message. I start listening and I hear the words “Hi, It’s me” Guess who that was?

Immediately I hang up because I don’t even want to hear her voice and I don’t want to hear what she has to say. 6 minutes later, the same number, calling again…So I’m like ok what the hell, where is she even calling from, I check the area code and its Germany!!! we live in Ontario Canada.

Then I remembered that she had a business trip out to Germany sometime in Nov.

So here’s the thing, her first call was at 4:41pm and her last call was at 5:47pm. During this time she called FIVE times!!!

I did not, and will not listen to her voicemails because I know I’m still vulnerable and just in case, I need to avoid them at all costs.

Anyway, Hopefully this does not continue…I will keep everyone posted.

Staying Strong!

Your comment about embracing this painful experience doesn’t sound weird at all. I have had this same spontaneous determination, both about the situation with my former friend and other highly painful experiences (fortunately they’ve been very few!). At the time, I took the appearance of this notion as a sign that I was not totally overwhelmed – I could still take things, process them, and build on them. I think it’s a very good sign in you too.

~Wendy
p.s. Christina, happy birthday!

and no, I don’t have an urge to contact her…I would love to be there especially for her son but only if things were normal and I know they never will be so I know how bad it would be for me to contact her to wish her a happy bday because there really is no point, why care about someone who clearly doesn’t care about you…

and Margaret – thanks…but it’s only been just over 2 months, I can’t yet, I don’t think I want to get into another relationship till at least the summer time, last thing I want to do is be a rebound…as weird as it may sound because I hate feeling like this and I hate the pain I’m trying to embrace this experience so I can grow and learn from it as much as possible because I’m never going through this again and when I do have kids (my own) I will not lose them. Just hoping it doesn’t take me forever to heal! lol

Mark:

It is really strange but my birthday is today! Not that there’s any meaning in that but it’s an odd coincidence. Birthdays can be hard- I am trying not to think about past ones and am going to try do something fun with my daughters. Fortunately I have some old friends and relatives I celebrated with on Friday night.

I do agree with Margaret- I have been guilty of that as well- a real moment of weakness for me…They really don’t deserve the thoughtfulness…