550 Reader Comments on Dr Carver’s ‘Loser’ Article
Readers continue to tell us that Dr Carver’s article about relationship losers, abusers, manipulators and controllers — and how you can protect yourself from them — rings true. How about you? Have you dealt with someone like this?
Our previous threads on Dr Carver’s article called Are You Dating a Loser? have been piling on the comments. Total them up, and it comes to something over 550 separate comments:
- “Are You Dating a Loser?”
- “More Personal Replies from Psychologist About Relationships with Losers”
- “Psychologist’s Description of “The Loser” in Relationships Rings True”
- “Overwhelming Response to Threads on Relationship Losers”
- “More on Relationship Losers, Abusers, Manipulators and Controllers”
As I commented in one of the earlier posts, what has struck me the most about the comments so far is the remarkable degree of consistency and similarity of recurring threads being reported by individuals from all walks of life. And the suggestions Dr Carver made in his original article about how to protect yourself if you find yourself in a relationship with someone bent on abuse and manipulation have been well received and put into practice by many readers. The discussion threads about this paper have now taken on something of a life of their own, with readers offering one another their support and encouragement as they deal with their own problematic relationships. While everyone’s experience is unique, you might be surprised to read just how often others have experienced the kinds of manipulative and controlling behaviours you may have experienced yourself.
We’ve been splitting off the ongoing discussions about loser behaviours every so often, to keep the individual page loading times manageable. This is now the latest in the series, so if you have any thoughts on Dr Carver’s loser article, please feel free to leave them here in the comments section. Dr Carver stops by every so often and reads and replies to your messages, so fire away!
Don’t forget that if you’d like to stay abreast of all the latest happenings across the site as a whole — including Dr Carver’s latest articles in Ask the Psychologist, you can subscribe to our regular newsletter using the graphical link in the right column of this page, which will open a special subscription window without changing the page you’re on. Or if you prefer just go directly to the main newsletter management page.
UPDATE (15 November 2008): Just to keep the response from our server acceptable, we’re now going to close this discussion thread and move to a new one for the same topic. So if you’d like to have your say, please just head over to the new thread here: “Over 1000 Reader Comments and Questions on ‘Losers’ and Personality Disorders”.
Thank you!
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This article was last reviewed by on Monday, 17th December 2007. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
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http://counsellingresource.com/features/2007/12/17/loser-comments-continue/
365 Responses to “550 Reader Comments on Dr Carver’s ‘Loser’ Article”
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Mark361
WOW!
So as you all know, sunday was my ex’s birthday and yesterday was her son’s. I did not call, to be honest I didn’t even have the urge to call and I felt damn good about that.
Today.
I’m sitting at my computer, its about 430 in the afternoon when I see my cell phone flashing…I look, and its some weird 15 digit number, so I’m like ok telemarketers must be going to extremes these days. I don’t answer, obviously, but 2 minutes later I get a message saying I got a new voicemail. So I call my voice mail and it says you have one new message. I start listening and I hear the words “Hi, It’s me” Guess who that was?
Immediately I hang up because I don’t even want to hear her voice and I don’t want to hear what she has to say. 6 minutes later, the same number, calling again…So I’m like ok what the hell, where is she even calling from, I check the area code and its Germany!!! we live in Ontario Canada.
Then I remembered that she had a business trip out to Germany sometime in Nov.
So here’s the thing, her first call was at 4:41pm and her last call was at 5:47pm. During this time she called FIVE times!!!
I did not, and will not listen to her voicemails because I know I’m still vulnerable and just in case, I need to avoid them at all costs.
Anyway, Hopefully this does not continue…I will keep everyone posted.
Staying Strong!
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Wendy362
Mark,
Good for you! You’re saving yourself a lot of turmoil by not listening to the messages. Keep at it and they will stop.
Thanks for the update!
~Wendy
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margaret363
We all could have predicted this. Because she knows you are a loving, emphathetic person who cared very much about her and her child, she expected you to contact her on her birthday (her selfish ego at work). Or, if not her, her child (your weak spot). When you didn’t, she had to ring your chimes…yank your chain…just to make sure you were still on backburner for her, whenever she needed. She’s testing the waters for her own ends. Hang tough. She’s playing her personality disordered game. Think about it…what normal person calls 5 times within an hour after a relationship has been over for some time? She is poison ivy.
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Christina364
Mark,
It is great to hear that you are being resilient. It does feel good, doesn’t it, to not act on our vulnerability?
Be strong…I know it will be hard if it does continue but you know what the right thing to do is…
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365
Hi folks,
Many thanks to you all for your continued comments and for the great support which folks have been offering to one another!
In order to keep the response from our server snappy, we’re going to open a new thread for continuing comments, while closing this current thread. Don’t worry, the discussion can continue exactly as before, we’re just moving on to a new individual post so the server doesn’t get bogged down. Here’s the new thread:
http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/11/15/1000-questions-and-comments/
Thanks again for all your comments!
All the best,
Greg
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