The Counsellor’s Creed, “I cannot be your parent…”
Thoughts on the Counsellor’s Creed, which has been making the rounds. Item 1: I will give you my undivided attention. However, I cannot be your parent, spouse, or lover, nor can I be master or servant. I’m just me, and I’ll be as real as I can.
The 12-point Counsellor’s Creed, by an unknown author, is circulating and recently came to my attention. I found it thought-provoking.
1. I will give you my undivided attention. However, I cannot be your parent, spouse, or lover, nor can I be master or servant. I’m just me, and I’ll be as real as I can.
First off, this sounds warm, honest and approachable to me. I find it interesting that parents, spouses, lovers, masters and servants are all people who are associated here by implication with giving undivided attention — as though the experience of being given undivided attention would be likely to trigger feelings of being in a parent-child or loving relationship. It seems to me that this is quite likely to be the case, reflecting the confusion in relationships and expectations that may drive someone to counselling. It is a short leap from undivided attention to love to master and servant for some!
I find the “I cannot be” quite strange. It is as if in an ideal world I could be that good, but in fact I am “just me”. It is almost a little apologetic — I’m sorry I can’t be what you want me to be (and here, a little presumptuous: many clients also do not come to a counsellor for a taste of infinite love but rather with very specific aims) but I will be as close to what you really need as I can.
The counselling relationship isn’t second best. It is a very specific relationship, hard to define, but that shouldn’t stop us trying. At its most down to earth it is a co-operative relationship, teamwork, looking together for the story, for the answer, for what will move the client forward. The counsellor here is ‘just me’ with very specific, developed skills.
At its most essential and healing, moments arise which for some touch on the mystical, and they are the same moments of being accepted, understood, truly present and alive, which we seek with our parents, spouses, masters or servants, or, mistakenly, from them. Moments of awareness and connection, together. These moments and not any particular variant of the relationships which create or allow them, are, in this counsellor’s opinion, just what people need.
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This article was last reviewed by on Tuesday, 11th December 2007. You can leave a response below.
The URL of this page is:
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11th December 2007
[...] you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. thanks for visiting!i’d like to thank sarah for a very insightful analysis of the counsellor’s creed, which i had posted last [...]
11th December 2007
thanks for this very thoughtful post. it inspired me to write today’s article!
15th December 2007
I wish the author had included not making the patient feel like they had to prove themselves.
I read the entire creed.
I have recently changed Psychiatrists. (mine moved) Having to prove that my issues are real, should not be a factor. She did not believe I had an eating disorder until my blood work showed malnutrition. (she’s supposed to be an expert)
She told me that ‘everyone wants to be a writer, it doesn’t make us one, we need to be wary of thoughts of grandiosity’
I’m debating if I should take my published book and plop it on her desk before I change doctor’s or not.
She assumed that because I’m chronically ill (lupus and myasthenia gravis) that I do nothing. “You have to keep a regular schedule. Hasn’t anyone told you you can’t just lay around all day?”
(um, NO! My doctor’s are all trying to get me to SLOW DOWN AND REST MORE!!!)
Try believing me first, then if you find cause to NOT believe me, then don’t trust me …do not allow the distrust to rule first …
15th December 2007
Hi Isabella and Peggikaye,
I’m not sure whether Sarah is near a computer right now, so I just wanted to drop by and say thanks to both of you for your comments.
Isabella, thanks for stopping by; there’s a third post by Sarah coming on the creed which I’ve scheduled for next week. Any comments welcome!
Peggikaye, what you’ve described of your working relationship seems short on the ‘working’ part and short on the ‘relationship’ part, and it sure does sound like you’ve felt some pressure to prove yourself. And your last sentence really sums it up: however your psychiatrist might have intended it, what you’ve experienced feels like plain old distrust.
All the best,
Greg
17th December 2007
I was indeed having a break! I am going to be “off and on” throughout December…thanks for stepping in Greg.
Hi Isabella - love your site.
Peggykaye - sorry you were treated like that, by anyone, let alone someone you were paying to assist you through a trusting relationship.