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Driven very nearly to distraction by sleep deprivation thanks to my small daughter, who actually sleeps fine just as long as I am available next to her, I am looking for solutions.

One of the Mommy-wars I referred to in a recent post is the sleep war, in which CIO (Crying It Out) advocates sing the praises of leaving a baby or young child to cry until they fall asleep, while anti-CIO mothers think that this is psychologically damaging and offer a variety of alternatives, including the ritual chanting of ‘this too shall pass’.

Feeling that the latter strategy was not going to cut it, I have finally got hold of The no-cry sleep solution, by Elizabeth Pantley — published in 2002 by McGraw-Hill [Amazon-US | Amazon-UK]. Full of useful information, practical ideas, perspective and humour, it has made me feel better already even before I have managed to make a sleep plan. More than anything it has made me more convinced than ever that CIO is not the way to go — that it is in fact an effective way of getting young children to give up on their parents, driving home the message that when they ask for help they can count on the fact that no one will come. Victory for the parent comes when the child gives up hope. It may be a victory for everyone in the sense that the child sleeps better afterwards, with the benefits that brings, but I do not believe that this comes without a psychological price. “Don’t be upset, don’t ask for help, you will only be ignored”, seems to be a lesson that has been well learned by many adults, to their detriment.

I don’t want to demonise parents who choose this way, but I do think that they are mistaken. There are many other ways of helping children, and the whole family, to sleep regularly. With that, I recommend the book, wish all exhausted parents the best of luck, and go off to bed!