No Cry Sleeping Solutions
One of the Mommy-wars I referred to in a recent post is the sleep war, in which CIO (Crying It Out) advocates sing the praises of leaving a baby or young child to cry until they fall asleep, while anti-CIO mothers think that this is psychologically damaging and offer a variety of alternatives, including the ritual chanting of ‘this too shall pass’.
Driven very nearly to distraction by sleep deprivation thanks to my small daughter, who actually sleeps fine just as long as I am available next to her, I am looking for solutions.
One of the Mommy-wars I referred to in a recent post is the sleep war, in which CIO (Crying It Out) advocates sing the praises of leaving a baby or young child to cry until they fall asleep, while anti-CIO mothers think that this is psychologically damaging and offer a variety of alternatives, including the ritual chanting of ‘this too shall pass’.
Feeling that the latter strategy was not going to cut it, I have finally got hold of The no-cry sleep solution, by Elizabeth Pantley — published in 2002 by McGraw-Hill [Amazon UK | Amazon US]. Full of useful information, practical ideas, perspective and humour, it has made me feel better already even before I have managed to make a sleep plan. More than anything it has made me more convinced than ever that CIO is not the way to go — that it is in fact an effective way of getting young children to give up on their parents, driving home the message that when they ask for help they can count on the fact that no one will come. Victory for the parent comes when the child gives up hope. It may be a victory for everyone in the sense that the child sleeps better afterwards, with the benefits that brings, but I do not believe that this comes without a psychological price. “Don’t be upset, don’t ask for help, you will only be ignored”, seems to be a lesson that has been well learned by many adults, to their detriment.
I don’t want to demonise parents who choose this way, but I do think that they are mistaken. There are many other ways of helping children, and the whole family, to sleep regularly. With that, I recommend the book, wish all exhausted parents the best of luck, and go off to bed!
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This article was last reviewed by on Thursday, 15th November 2007. You can leave a response below.
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20th November 2007
I value your opinion but I am unsure if I can totally agree. From personal experience I do not think you can class parents as those who use ‘cry it out’ and those who are anti this. All the parents I have worked with (and also myself) have been very nurturing parents who just need a good run of sleep! Your posting on attachment parenting totally sums up the on demand breastfeeding and cuddle routine I used with both my kids. However both my partner and I have always been very clear that bedtime is just that - going to bed in your own bed! This was put in place for both my children from very early on and meant they learnt to self sooth to (a) get to sleep and (b) return to sleep if they woke at night.It did not mean ignoring their needs or psychologically damaging them. Both my children have a high level of self esteem and are very socially confident. They are highly kinesthetic and we all get a good sleep each night. They are both very articulate as to their needs and will always make sure I wake up if they need me at night.I am not sure if I can whole heartedly agree to the “Don’t be upset, don’t ask for help, you will only be ignored” idea as I feel this has to be viewed holisitcally not just on issue of sleep!
Hope this can provide an alternative view point.