Comments on: Excerpt from The Ascension: The Kathryn Keats Story

By: kathryn keats

kathryn keats — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 14:50:09 +0000

Montel Williams Show is airing today, the 27th of August. I would love to hear from you and if you need help this site is the place to find it.
You are welcome to email me directly at [personal contact details removed].
Warmly,
Kathryn Keats

By: kathryn keats

kathryn keats — Mon, 21 May 2007 16:24:51 +0000

Sappho,
YOU are very very inspiring. OK, I am listening to you. You are speaking to the part of me, and many, who cannot get through the Stockholm of it…not all the way through.The words you write…change my life…Thank you for writing. Please be in touch. You know something we all need to know. You are so brave…to move on…really on…I, too, will get there…I am heading to the day, very soon, where I am no longer hyphenated…but full mother, wife and musician, without feeling I am doing something “wrong” by stepping up and speaking out. Could I ask you to write again? I am quite serious. This straight talk is very very important.

Peace and thank you,
Kathryn Keats

By: Sappho

Sappho — Mon, 21 May 2007 10:58:17 +0000

I read the article about you in sfgate and found your book excerpt. Recovery is difficult, but we do it together. I am an incest survivor and my first husband was abusive. He isolated me in a rural area and wouldn’t let me leave the house, physically keeping me in. I am a poet and musican; so was he. I thought he was brilliant, far more talented than me. When I realized he was mentally ill, when he turned violent, I wanted to help him. It took a long time for me to stand up for myself and my little boy, but I finally put my foot down and set some limits. That made him run off, leaving me with nothing, in the middle of nowhere, with a small child to support.

For years I kept his old poetry, because it felt like a crime against art to throw it away. But I am not responsible for his work. If he wanted to save it, he kept a copy. If not, too bad. I got rid of his things and made room for my own life and creativity.
I went through years of therapy and a self-help group for women incest survivors, which I recommend to all survivors. Creativity is healing. The more I recover, the more creative I am. I like the way that works out.

My ex made threats against me in the past, but they were more along the lines of blackmailing me and hurting our son, who is now grown and a black belt. He doesn’t know where I am, but I’m not in hiding. He’s too stupid to use Google and figure it out–I know where he is and have communicated with some of his subsequent victims. I only wish I could warn them beforehand. His latest victim did a web page about what happened, though, which is more chutzpah than I have.

By: kathryn keats

kathryn keats — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 01:13:16 +0000

Dear Tracy,
Today was just amazing. And you could not pry and should not feel as if you are prying. I stepped out knowing and wanting to be of service and I am happy to answer any questions. I am honored you asked me. I am honored you were there and heard what I had to say. I have so much to say! Thank you so much. I did not have an appearance change.Though age did that for me!! My identity was, with the help of lawyers and Victim Witness, wiped off the face of the earth. I was in therapy for ten years and it was very difficult.I still go when I must. I stopped all alcohol, as this was, for me, troublesome. I had such traumatic stress I was almost, for the first four years, unable to function. Luckily, I had a first husband, not the man who I spoke of today, someone right after the trial, who put me back together. God bless him. He and I, naturally, went our own ways and I met my husband, Richard Conti, of 18 years, soon after I was divorced from my first. I was able to finally settle in to a successful relationship, I believe, because of the extensive therapy and the fact that my first husband worked with me so patiently. He is a very good friend. I also gave everything up to God, the Gods, when times were impossible. I struggled every day with fear and anxiety. When I made the decision to marry Richard Conti,I was, for the first time, very thoughtful about what I wanted in a mate. I qualified love. I feel this is something we must learn to do if we are vulnerable to the wrong choices in partners, friends etc. I stopped for the first time and really looked at this man and said “Does he drink too much?” No. “Does he love his family?”. Yes. “Is he healthy and patient?”. Yes. “Does he have a relationship with God?”. Yes. These seemingly dry questions, were important for me to know. To ask. For me they saved me from re-entering into a relationship filled with drama ann dispair.
I have two children. Two young sons. 9 and 11. I waited a long time before Ii had them. It is a struggle for me to be domestic, as I said today! I must work on this one but it just does not seem to be part of who I am. But…my husband IS domestic. I knew this when I married him.
The wound I still carry is this… I have a difficult time feeling loved… I feel how much I love my children and husband but I have to work with the fact that I do NOT always have an easy time FEELING loved. It is such a process for me on a daily basis. I lived for a very long time in a bubble of sorts, where only I knew who I was. There is a learned isolation we use when we have been victimized and we have to learn to NOT isolate. It is practice.
This world now, for me, is new and I will or would love to stay in touch with you and all the people who visit this fantastic site and let you know what tools I find to make life a full and healthy experience. Does this answer any questions?
Thank you again.
Kathryn

By: tracy

tracy — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 19:09:29 +0000

hi kathryn,

i was in the audience at unity center of ny today and did not have time to stop in the hug line and say thank you for your courage and strength to share your story with us today. as paul said i truly believe you helped heal some of the world today.

i don’t mean to pry but i haven’t stopped thinking about your story since i left symphony space.

i work at a psychiatric day treatment program with adult mentally members and many of them are victims of abuse.
i was wondering if during the 15 years you were hiding(did you have surgery to make you look different than ellen) were you in therapy/treatment? and if so what did you find useful/helpful to you. your ability to get married and have three children, to be able to love and trust again is fantastic. relationships/love/trust/ are so difficult for our clients and i thought you might be able to share some words of wisdom.

heartfelt blessings for your continued process of heling, tracy

By: Kathryn Keats

Kathryn Keats — Wed, 15 Nov 2006 04:45:31 +0000

Karen,
I am so sorry I did not respond sooner. My Father passed this summer and I had the fortune to be by his side. I miss him so much.
I have to share this with you…the record I just made has joy and rhythm on it!! I am so happy to finally hear joy…to feel joy,to compose something other than 4/4/ morbid ballads!!
I think the email you sent is wonderful and I will try zydeco the next time “space” comes calling. Always my best to you. Hang in there as well.
Kathryn Keats

By: Karen

Karen — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 23:17:47 +0000

Dear Kathyrn, Thanks for sharing your story. I am a musician also had a “thang” with a brilliant musician who was schizophrenic also. Due to limited space to keep from getting sucked into “space” I listen to new music that I do not have memories that can be triggered by otherwise I am reliving every detail and I don’t listen to any melancholia otherwise I will just beome imobilzied with sadness. Try zydeco it is happy music. Hang in girlfriend, Karen

By: Managing Editor

Managing Editor — Mon, 08 May 2006 11:06:04 +0000

Kathryn, you sound determined to keep yourself moving forward, drawing strength from those things that you personally find helpful. The vulnerability and uncertainty you’ve described seem very real and present, yet still that determination comes to the fore.
You ask does this make sense; to me, anyway, it seems like you are creating sense, day by day, out of what began as a situation that probably held very little sense at the time.
All the best,
Greg

By: Kathryn Keats

Kathryn Keats — Tue, 02 May 2006 17:48:33 +0000

Dear Greg,
I appreciate your feedback and support. I am working daily to stop the habit, which I agree it is, of the depression that has come from this experience. I agree with the importance of replacing the habit with another. I am doing Bikram Yoga(I cannot look into the mirror during class) and composing, which is helping, but I am still so dark in my heart. Writing helps.I really do not know exactly how to come back out into the world. It is the most vulnerable feeling. I WILL though. I want to stop the monolgue and begin to live! Does this make sense? Thank you, Greg.
Kathryn Keats

By: Managing Editor

Managing Editor — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 17:04:35 +0000

Kathryn, I cannot speak from first-hand experience — not having experienced anything remotely similar myself. But I sure can imagine that transition you’ve described could be difficult. Mental habits that have been sustained (and which arguably served a useful purpose in terms of self-preservation) for not just weeks or months, but years, probably don’t just fade away by themselves. Some people may find that deliberate and conscious effort, day after day, can help retrain those mental habits, perhaps replacing them with other habits that are more useful in the changed situation, or even eliminating them altogether.
I wonder would any other readers want to share experiences of this sort of habit ‘retraining’?
All the best,
Greg