How Can I Stop Always Thinking the Worst?

Reader’s Question

I really want and need help for my problem with negativity. I always think the worst of people and situations. If there’s someone having a conversation a mile away and that person glances at me and then back to their conversation, I think they are talking bad about me. When I hear someone laughing, I immediately think they are probably laughing at me for some reason. I even think of the worst when it comes to my best friend, knowing that she would never talk badly about me. I’m the kind of guy who looks in a mirror and thinks he’s going to break it. I don’t want to be like this anymore but can’t seem to help it. Please tell me what I can do.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

“Negativistic” personalities see the world through a uniquely distorted lens. They see dark clouds everywhere, expect the worst, anticipate disappointment and never seem to be at peace. What they fail to see, however, is that the way they tend to think about things colors their perceptions. They also fail to recognize that they can change the way they think.

Experts on negativism agree on its primary characteristics:

• Negativism is much more than having nothing “good” or positive to say or think. In fact, thinking nothing good is far less damaging than thinking negatively.
• Negativism is remarkably self-defeating. The person who thinks negatively is much less likely to achieve his or her goals or to experience satisfaction in his or her relationships or endeavors.
• Negativism not only breeds chronic unhappiness but also engenders significant stress and stress-related illnesses.
• Negative self-talk and negative talk or actions toward others create a climate in which the bad things we fear will happen actually are more likely to occur due to the power of “suggestion” and the possibility of a “self-fulfilling prophesy.”
• Negativism contributes to a mindset of seeing oneself as a victim and a person not in control of his or her destiny.

People can rid themselves of negativism by taking notice of and changing negative thoughts as soon as they occur. Cognitive-behavioral therapists who specialize in treating individuals with negativistic personalities help them to become more aware of their typical “chains” of thought and to recognize self-talk that is of negative character in the very early stages of the thought chain. Catching and changing negative thoughts in their early stages is much easier than trying to change thoughts that have already escalated to a debilitating level. Once a negative thought is recognized and arrested early on, it can be changed to a more positive thought. Eventually, even the most negative individual can acquire more positive thought habits, and in so doing can develop a much improved sense of self-esteem.

The help you seek is as close as your nearest counselor who specializes in cognitive-behavioral strategies to alter thought patterns. So, seek out the counseling you need, and take heart in the thought that you can change the way you think, and as a result the world will end up looking a lot different to you.