Stressed By My Studies and the Loss of My Childhood

Reader’s Question

I’m a 16-year-old student in the 11th grade. Since the age of 12, I’ve experienced occasional bouts of depression and have struggled with fears such as the fear of death and so on. Recently, my anxiety has increased, and I’m under a lot of stress because of my studies. On top of that, whenever I see TV shows or listen to songs related to childhood or such, I feel at a loss because it makes me think that putting so much into my studies, I’ve missed out on my childhood.

I’ve tried to earn a spot on the school soccer team but have failed even though I’m a decent player. I always end up blaming my parents for this, though I have no reason to feel this way. I’m popular, have lots of friends and score high grades, but I still feel sad when I think I’ve denied myself all the “fun” a childhood should have because of the attention I’ve given my studies.

Now, my grades have started dropping, and I’m feeling even more stress. I have frequent suicidal thoughts. Watching all the children having fun on TV shows and in real life makes me envious. Even as I’m writing this, I have to go and cram for school while all the other children seem to be having fun. This is totally driving me over the edge.

I hope my letter has not been a source of irritation for you. I just need some help, and someone to give me some advice.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Increased distress meeting social and occupational obligations, thoughts of self-harm, and a sense of a loss of pleasure in life are key signs of depression. In addition to showing some signs of depression, you report some things that suggest you are struggling with issues related to your sense of self-esteem.

It would be a good idea for you to seek professional help from a counselor or therapist who specializes in depression treatment and self-esteem enhancement. Your treatment might even include medications to help you restore an appropriate balance to your brain’s biochemistry. But the ultimate benefit from treatment is likely to come from developing a healthier and more positive self-concept.

Long before you begin treatment, you can start to change some of the negative thought patterns that can increase your depression and further dampen your sense of self-worth. Instead of focusing on what you think you’ve lost or lack in your life, focus on the talents, abilities, and positive qualities that you have. Reinforce yourself regularly for all the things you do daily that have led you to have friends and to achieve. And try to keep a sense of balance between work and play. Many times, the greatest pressure we experience comes not so much from the expectations of others but from the expectations we place on ourselves. Try giving yourself permission to take a more moderate, middle ground. Find some time for having pure fun (other than competitive, status-linked sports) in addition to making time for your studies.