I’m Numb to My Feelings and Have Trouble Verbalizing Them

Reader’s Question

I will get straight to the point. I am only 22 years old, but I have already moved to 3 different countries and have had to deal with my mother’s sickness from cancer for several years when I was a child, her eventual death, and a father whom I only met when I was 8 years old and from whom I am very distant. I feel quite confused and troubled about my past and my future. I have tried talking to some people, including professionals, but I am not a good verbal communicator, and I often have trouble articulating my feelings into spoken words. I am not sure what keeps me from getting the help that I want or need. I also have noticed that whenever I am on the verge of feeling something, be it wanting to cry about my mother, or feeling happy and excited about something, the feeling simply “goes away”, and I end up not feeling anything. Please give me some practical advice regarding these issues.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Everyone has some innate “defenses” against the experience of emotional pain that is potentially too overwhelming or destabilizing. And, it’s no accident that you experience an automatic suppression of feelings just as potentially overwhelming emotions begin to surface. It takes a careful, concerted, and systematic effort to lower these defenses and allow gradual and bearable conscious contact with such pain.

Therapy is a great way to address such issues, but it’s often a long and tender process. And not all individuals respond well to traditional “talk” therapy. From what you say, you’ve endured a fair degree of emotional trauma in your short life. There are therapists who specialize in helping individuals work through trauma and get into closer contact with feelings to which they have become “numb.” So, find the right counselor if you haven’t already done so, and stick with the process.