Irrational Mistrust, Drinking, and Thoughts of Violence

Reader’s Question

My husband has had trust issues with women from about the age of 16. He thinks the worst of all situations. He has a bottle of water by his bed that he leaves out at night, but he will not drink from it because he fears I might have put something in it to hurt him. He even feels mistrustful about his mother and sister. He feels that I would cheat on him at any given chance and questions my love for him. I know he may be insecure. In high school he did a lot of drugs and drinking. He has an anger problem, and when he drinks he gets very aggressive. He has told me that when he was younger he had violent thoughts such as killing people and even himself. He is constantly worried about things that he shouldn’t. Alcoholism runs in both sides of his family. Can you please give us some advice? We have a one-month-old son, and I myself have anxiety and some depression.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

There are several possible reasons for the difficulties your husband is having. It would be a mistake simply to attribute them to a “mistrust of women” having its origin in some trauma dating from when he was 16. The likelihood is that a more serious psychiatric condition is present. The fact that he drinks and that alcoholism runs in his family is also significant. His problematic use of alcohol could have its origins in an attempt to “self-medicate” his psychological problems, but it also could have contributed to or exacerbated his distorted thinking. It’s also important to recognize alcohol’s potential to interfere with his ability to control violent thoughts and impulses. In any case, there appear to be several serious problems here that require professional attention.

It is imperative that your husband be thoroughly evaluated by a trained mental health professional and receive the appropriate treatment. You might very well get some resistance to this, but it is very important that you stand firm about the need.