Is It Normal Not to Be Sure Who You Are at Age 14?

Reader’s Question

At fourteen, is it normal to feel like you don’t really fit into your life? Is it normal to feel like you should be someone else? I’m afraid I’m becoming depressed or something because mental health disorders run in my family. I also grew up in a dysfunctional home. My dad left my mom, and I had to live with my mom and grandma. They argued a lot until recently. Now, I live with my step-grandma, grandpa, and mom. I am often nervous and wonder if I should see a therapist or something.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

It’s certainly not uncommon for a person your age to be uncertain about who they are and how they “fit” into the world. Indeed, forming a stable and satisfactory sense of personal identity is one of the major tasks of adolescence. So, uncertainties about such things at your age are perfectly normal, although the degree to which they are an issue can vary considerably.

You don’t have to be suffering from a major mental condition to possibly benefit from seeing a therapist. Many people use therapy as a vehicle to sort out unresolved issues related to growing up in a dysfunctional home, deal with personal anxieties, or simply to have a sounding board for working through phase of life concerns. Others use therapy as a means to enhance their emotional, spiritual, and psychological growth. A well-trained professional can also be a valuable, objective resource when it comes to determining whether there are signs of a clinical condition such as depression present.

So, don’t worry so much about whether you’re “normal” or not or whether your family history makes it more likely you have some sort of illness. Rather, make your own happiness and overall “wellness” your main concern. The very fact that you’re considering seeing a therapist likely means that you have some intuition that such a visit might prove helpful. Carrying a positive attitude into the experience will also increase the chances you will get something very positive out of your counseling.