Emotional Narcolepsy or Dissociation in Response to Stress?

Reader’s Question

I recently read a question and answer in your column regarding a person who blanked out when trying to learn things. I found the question to touch on some territory very familiar to me.

I have some reactions similar to blanking out during emotionally-charged discussions. I will suddenly become incredibly sleepy. My eyes will begin to unfocus and I will find myself nodding off right during the conversation. This is generally occurring at a time when I am feeling verbally threatened by my husband. He may or may not actually be acting threateningly, but it happens when he raises a topic which I find emotionally uncomfortable for any number of reasons. While this happens most frequently during discussions with my husband, it’s also happened in emotionally-charged settings with my children. It’s like a switch gets flipped, and I have absolutely no choice but to flop into the nearest bed.

Years ago, when discussions with my husband were more frequently not simply discussions (but verbal and even physical bullying sessions), I dismissed the sleepiness easily — most of the arguments occurred late at night when I could reasonably be expected to be tired. My husband would insist on me waking up to finish the discussion, with me floating in and out of a hazy daze of understanding. He tried various tactics to force me back awake so the discussion would be resolved. One time I remember literally falling asleep while standing. It was incredibly unnerving.

At the time I attributed all of this to late nights and a mean man. I saw no need to accept responsibility for this behavior for myself. Since that time, however, I have been in therapy, and my therapist and I have observed this behavior of mine (sudden lack of focus and extreme sleepiness) in her office. I know perfectly well she’s not bullying me (she’s very nice). I know perfectly well I’m not extremely tired (daytime, not night). The only thing in common between these settings is the presence of an uncomfortable topic of discussion. So now I know it is me doing this. In the presence of emotional distress, I sometimes just clunk out and go to sleep.

My question to you is this: is this something that is at all common? Is there a name for it? My therapist had encountered at least one individual prior to me who had a similar issue. It’s helpful for me to have a name for it, so I’ve termed it “emotional narcolepsy.” A bit cumbersome, but it works and is very descriptive of the suddenness and inevitability it seems to have.

I’m learning to work with it, and my husband is, too. Apparently, it’s one of a number of dissociative strategies I have developed. I’d appreciate any thoughts or insight you might have on this topic.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

What you’re experiencing may in fact be “just another dissociative strategy” for dealing with emotional pain, but your “emotional narcolepsy” could also be the real thing. About one in 4 narcolepsy sufferers experiences either a sudden weakness or loss of muscle control (called cataplexy) that is usually triggered by intense emotion and can be as severe as a total collapse or as mild as intense fatigue and sleepiness. A key difference between individuals who suffer from this neurologically-based sleep disorder and individuals who dissociate as a psychological defense against emotional pain is the presence of a genuine sleep disturbance in which the normal rhythm of the sleep-wake cycle has become significantly disrupted. So, if in fact you’re having disrupted sleep at night, don’t wake feeling rested, and fall asleep during the day at times other then when emotionally stressed, you might indeed need to have a sleep evaluation to see if your problems are more than an inadequate coping mechanism.

If your situation turns out to be one in which you have developed an habitual but dysfunctional way of coping with emotional stress, your therapist can assist you in developing increased stress-tolerance and develop more functional coping skills. Learning to tolerate and cope with stress better can dramatically affect not only how you appraise and respond to stressful situations, but also positively impact your self-esteem and sense of self-efficacy.