Is There Any Real Problem With Fetishes and Partialisms?

Reader’s Question

I was wondering if there is any real problem with fetishes and partialisms, provided that everything is consensual and kept “safe?” Is it considered a psychological disorder, or is it just a preference? I can think of at least 10 fetishes or partialisms that I like to engage in frequently (although I do not do so with any my partner is uncomfortable with). I realize I’m not “normal” (I doubt if anyone is), but is there any cause for concern if no one is being harmed?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

A fetish involves deriving sexual pleasure from an inanimate object (articles of clothing and sexually-themed articles are the most common), whereas partialism is the deriving of sexual excitement from a particular body part (feet and breasts are common areas of focus). Fetishes and partialistic preferences become problematic or reach the level of a “disorder” only when they cause significant distress to a person, significantly impair a person’s ability to function socially or occupationally, or become so consuming an interest that they preclude an individual’s ability to derive satisfaction in other important ways.

Most “unusual” but consensual sexual interests and activities are perfectly harmless and can add zest to a relationship. Naturally, for such activities to be truly harmless, there should be no risk to anyone of either physical or emotional damage. One potentially insidious complication of engaging in unusual sexual behaviors as a way of introducing “spice” or novelty is that any behavior can eventually become mundane or lose its capacity to stimulate. When that happens, a person can experience a drive to introduce progressively more novel and titillating experiences, eventually crowding out any chance for deriving any kind of satisfaction from more “normal” sexual experiences.

So, the real issue is not so much whether your unique interests are odd or “abnormal” but rather whether they cause distress or interfere with your ability to function and maintain good relationships.