Going to a Good College Will Stress My Ailing Parents

Reader’s Question

My family is facing serious economic hardship. My parents’ income is barely $1500 monthly, and it’s very difficult for them to live on so little. Both my parents suffer from depression. Besides that, my dad had a heart attack, and that makes it hard for him to do many things. Stress can be especially bad for him, but he doesn’t take care of himself or tend to his health issues, which creates much stress.

I will be applying to colleges soon, and I have a great chance of getting accepted to some of the best colleges. Because I’d be applying as an international student, however, my tuition would be extremely expensive. If I get help from my parents, they would have to give up what very little they have, and I feel that would be inconsiderate of me.

I don’t know what to do. I want to go to a good college and follow my dreams. But I also want to help my parents. How can I ask them to make such a big sacrifice just to go to a good college? I’m now questioning whether it would be worth it.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

The best way to “help” your parents is to do all you can toward developing yourself into the kind of person you and your family can be proud of and who has the resources to be of genuine help. That takes time and sacrifice on everyone’s part. And it’s important to keep responsibilities clear. Your father has just as much responsibility to tend to his own health concerns as you have to develop yourself personally and educationally.

Right now, you seem to be thinking that the only way you can realize your dreams is to place an additional financial burden on your parents. In fact, you have other options, ranging from scholarships to financial aid and/or student loans. You also have the option of modifying your educational plans for the short-term to improve your chances of securing greater financial support in the longer term. All the dreams you have are actually within your grasp depending on what degree of sacrifice and commitment you yourself are willing to make to realize them.