I Snooped on My Online Dating Boyfriend, and Now He Won’t Talk To Me

Reader’s Question

I have a boyfriend whom I met on the internet. We haven’t met in real life. I think we have a serious problem that I created, and I don’t know what to do.

I could say that I cannot trust this boyfriend all that much. Maybe it’s because I don’t really know him yet. I’m not even sure that he’s real because of course we’ve only chatted online. I made myself another YM ID to snoop on him. I know that’s not really right, but I did it. It’s not because I am just jealous, but I wanted to know if he was just playing games with me or was really interested in me. And I didn’t want to waste my time if he was not serious. Unfortunately, he’s recently discovered that the owner of the other ID is me. Yet when he asked me about it I denied it. That made him very angry and now I fear we may already be at the end of our relationship. I eventually admitted that I lied. But he does not want to talk or listen to me anymore.

Another reason I did this ’snooping thing’, is because I found in his friend’s site that some girls had been saying ‘I love you’ to him and he never admitted this. So, I want to know if I was right to be suspicious or if there’s something really wrong with me. What can I do now to somehow gain back his trust?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Conducting relationships over the internet is very risky business. As you mentioned, you don’t really know who the person on the other end of the conversation actually is. It could even be a sexual predator. And some people use the internet to seek out relationships simply because it does afford them “cover” so to speak.

From what you say, you probably had a right to be suspicious and mistrusting even if your method of dealing with it wasn’t the best. You put yourself in a position not to be trusted as well. But the likelihood is that you did not blow your chance for the relationship of a lifetime.

If you really want a meaningful, trusting relationship with someone, why not do your “searching” in places other than the internet whereby you can actually meet and get to know a person before deciding to pursue a relationship with them? It may not be as trendy, but it’s definitely safer and can yield results with much better potential.