Can I Get Rid of Bad Memories Without Therapy?

Reader’s Question

I have had many bad experiences in my life. Some of my memories are really terrifying, and I have never talked about them to anyone. I find myself wanting to talk to someone whom I can trust and who won’t judge me. But I find it hard to trust anyone, and I end up talking to myself sometimes. I’m stressed by my memories every day, and they affect my professional life and my communications with others. I live in a place where I don’t have access to a therapist. Can I overcome these memories without talking to a professional?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

There are many well-proven techniques for dealing with the scars of physical and emotional trauma. One of the most effective methods involves doing what you say you have the strong urge to do anyway, namely, talk to someone. When someone “tells their story” in their own words, at their own pace, and to accepting ears, it gives them not only a chance to vent but also a means by which to desensitize themselves to the pain attached to their traumatic memories. The formal name for this technique is called “narrative processing” and it could just as easily be done with anyone willing to lend an unbiased ear as well as a professional. Sometimes, you have to tell the story numerous times to deal effectively with all the emotions and to get sufficient relief from the pain. But I encourage you to talk to someone. It would be best if it’s someone you trust. I would also encourage you to pace yourself as well as to remain confident that you can overcome the pain of your trauma. This technique even works if you don’t have anyone you trust or who wants to be your sounding board. Narratives can be written out as well as spoken out loud. The important thing is to tell the story and get the urge to speak your trauma’s ugly name off your chest. The more you tell the story and the more you allow yourself to vent the emotions connected to it, the more you’ll eventually become desensitized to the pain attached to it.