Hope, Borderline Personality Disorder and Depression: The Stress Won’t Be Forever

Reader’s Question

About four years ago, I lost my job, my residence and my vehicle — and, as a result, my independence because of a sudden breakdown that lead to six hospitalizations for overdoses. I was diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder (BPD). I have basically recovered from the personality disorder, but still have severe depression.

During the time I was working as an RN, I did not realize that I had BPD. But possibly because of my work and other history, I cannot seem to get a job now. So, I am stuck living with my family and a father who will not accept mental illness as real and who is constantly berating me. He is controlling and unforgiving. I’m also having to deal with a grown alcoholic son who almost died while in ICU for 4 weeks and refuses to seek help. He also has depression and mood swings.

Now my father is balking at helping me out with my few bills and will not let me go to the grocery store to get my own groceries. All this is causing me stress, and I’m having severe headaches. I just want peace and quiet. I can’t stay in bed and sleep forever, but sometimes I feel like I’d like to. I am trying to get a job online, and I do go regularly to a counselor and a mental health center for medication. I am actually much better mentally but seem stuck in this stressful situation and do not and cannot see a way out unless I decide to go live in a shelter. I think that would be the end of my hope. I don’t know if I really explained how bad this situation is, but I need help and ideas on how to get back to my life.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Of course, your treating professionals are your best source of information and assistance and you should always follow their advice. However, you should know that the stress you complain of is not uncommon, especially considering your circumstances. Folks who carry the diagnoses you’ve been given generally need a fair amount of time and professional guidance to build a healthier, more stable life for themselves. So, one source of unnecessary stress is putting pressure on yourself to fix everything right away. Naturally, if you’re in an environment where attitudes toward mental health issues are hostile and you are not receiving much support, your stress is likely to be greater. And, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you chose to live in a shelter, either. Rebuilding a life takes time, energy, patience, commitment — and above all, acceptance of the fact that dealing with the effects of serious mental illness only underscores the need for such things. The fact that things will be hard for awhile does not mean there is no hope. Temporary feelings of helplessness are not the same as hopelessness. If you maintain your commitment to your treatment and your progress, there’s every reason to have hope. Setbacks might even occur, but even they need not be reasons to abandon hope. Once you’ve truly accepted who you are and where you are on your path, you can be more comfortable with where you’re going and how long and arduous it might be to achieve your goals.