Why Won’t My Husband Touch Me Since the Baby Arrived?

Reader’s Question

I am 24 years old, and my husband is 31. We’ve been married for two years, and we have a one-year-old baby boy. My problem is that soon after delivery of our child, my husband stopped being interested in sex with me. He always says he’s not in the mood. I am using a very effective form of birth control, so he knows it’s safe for us to have sex. So, I’m wondering if something else is bothering him. Maybe there’s a problem with me. How can I find out what’s going on?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Loss of interest in sexual activity between married couples is a commonly reported problem, and there is a wide variety of reasons for such problems. Women more frequently than men report diminished interest in sex following childbirth. The reasons vary but are most often associated with feeling emotionally drained with the demands of caring for the newborn. It’s far more common for men to express displeasure that they don’t have sex with their mates as much as they’d like to once a child has come on the scene. But both men and women can experience various degrees and forms of depression following childbirth. Also, both parties bring into their marriages various wants, needs, and expectations, all of which are affected differently by the arrival of a child. So there many potential reasons why a man might be less interested in sex than he used to be either before marriage, early in the marriage, or once a child has been born. Besides, there are different physiological as well as psychological factors that influence a man’s sex drive as opposed to a woman’s.

It’s important to communicate your needs and concerns openly and directly. It’s also important that the discussion be intimate and supportive. If you come across as critical or offended, you’re not as likely to facilitate an open discussion of the issues, and the problem may worsen. In the end it might also be in your best interest to seek some counseling about the issues.

Maintaining a vibrant sexual relationship is most often an integral part of a healthy marriage. So, it’s best to talk about your concerns and to seek appropriate counseling if necessary.