How Can I Learn to Manage My Anger?

Reader’s Question

I’m generally pretty mature for my age, but I’ve been dealing with anger issues all my life. Recently, they’ve started to affect my relationships with my bosses and co-workers. I’ve made improvements, but I feel so drained every time I manage to stop myself from having an outburst and usually can’t keep from having one for very long. I can become angry over simple things like no one helping customers or messes being left. How can I learn to be more consistently professional and consume less energy trying to manage my anger?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the modality of choice for anger management training. Its principles are fairly straightforward: what we think heavily influences how we feel and how we act. So, even without formal treatment we can learn to change the thoughts that might otherwise work us up into an emotional frenzy. For example, if we see that no one is helping a customer and we say things to ourselves like: “Everyone else here is lazy,” or “I always have to be the one to step up to the plate,” or “This is an outrage!”, we are not only likely to get emotionally worked-up, but to act in a manner that we might later regret. Changing thoughts from the emotionally “escalating” to the more “secure” and “calming” type is a fairly simple, straightforward and non energy-demanding way to help defuse an otherwise problem situation.

There is an abundance of well-structured anger management programs available these days through various professionals, mental health service agencies, and even self-help groups. Learning to manage anger need not be an emotionally draining experience but rather an enjoyable way to learn and to expand one’s potential both personally professionally.