After an Argument with a Cab Driver, Now I’m Afraid of Being Killed or Harmed

Reader’s Question

I am a 24-year-old guy from India. One day I had an argument with a driver regarding money. His attitude was threatening, as if he would beat me. Now a fear has developed within me that if I argue with anyone it is quite possible that I may be killed or harmed, although I understand sometimes it is necessary to raise your voice. Nowadays, whatever is shown in electronic or print media, I take them personally. I fear that I may be robbed or suffer from racist attacks. I fear that if I complain regarding a robbery or theft, I may be harmed — and that if my mother goes somewhere alone at night, she might be attacked or abducted. And I have plenty more of these thoughts where there is a business rivalry, political rivalry, etc. involved. Right now I am a student. How can I get rid of these fears buried deeply within me? At the same time, I lead a normal life — I eat, sleep, read and do my daily routine properly.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

You are experiencing a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The incident with the driver was emotionally traumatizing as by your description, you had a severe fearful reaction. That fearful reaction is actually a strong chemical reaction in your body, releasing norepinephrine, hormones, and other chemicals. A terrifying event produces an intense “Emotional Memory” — a memory that contains the details of the event (what was said, threats, where you were, etc.) and the emotions you experienced at the time.

When we have a traumatic experience, we are then susceptible to having the memory (and the feelings) of that event triggered by situations in our environment that are similar. After a person is involved in an automobile accident with a large truck, they might suddenly develop panic sensations when a large truck is present in their rearview mirror — days, weeks, and even months later. This event is called “traumatic recollection”. If the traumatic recollection intensifies, it begins to “generalize” — a behavior in which even more partially related events can trigger the Emotional Memory and panic. In the truck example, the traumatized person becomes panicky when other automobiles are too close to him on the highway or when approaching a busy intersection.

Because your traumatic event contained fear as the primary emotion, you are now experiencing a generalized fearfulness and apprehension. You are not only fearful of your own health (like you were at the time of the incident), but now fearful for the health of those around you.

I’d recommend reading my article on Emotional Memory. It contains strategies to deal with traumatic recollection and trauma memories. I’d also consider counseling for anxiety. I’d take a few of the anxiety and depression screening tests on this website. When we are moderately depressed and experience a traumatic incident, the impact of that incident is greatly exaggerated due to our underlying depression — often producing obsessive thoughts about the event and greatly exaggerating the danger or potential for harm.

In reality, you acted appropriately and discussed money with the driver. An argument developed and he became threatening — a strategy many cab drivers use to stop the argument — and it worked. You appropriately did not force the argument, as money is cheaper than a jaw repair. He didn’t need to assault you because his strategy worked. Some people use the physical threat strategy rather than continue a discussion or argument. It works well with peaceful people like yourself, but about one time out of twenty they will use that strategy with someone as potentially violent as they are, often creating a fist fight and/or assault. You did the right thing. You must now recover from the experience.