Husband Sucks His Finger When Watching TV

Reader’s Question

My 46-year-old husband rocks back and forth and paces. When he’s watching TV alone he sucks his ring finger and touches himself. Should I be worried?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Here comes that classic psychologist/psychiatrist question — How long has he been this way? If he’s always rocked, paced, and touched; then he’s likely to have a childhood history of ADHD or be a Type-A personality with a high level of energy and prone to being fidgety. The behaviors you describe are types of self-soothing behaviors that are very common in children. As we mature most of them disappear but under stress they can resurface, as though our brain remembers how to calm itself down. Other common self-soothing behaviors are hair-twirling, face-rubbing, physical mannerisms, and even behaviors that look similar to “tics” such as clothes-pulling.

If this behavior has surfaced only recently, then it’s more of a concern. Imagine watching a video of his behavior. What we’d see is excessive internal energy and/or agitation. His body can’t calm down or relax. In most situations, it’s related to a high stress level as we often encounter in work/family/life stress. If we enquire, we might hear his report of being “stressed out”. If this situation is present, he may need to evaluate his stress level and check for signs of anxiety or depression that requires treatment.

If the behavior is very recent and he denies stress or emotional issues of any kind, we must still be concerned. Increased internal energy is not that healthy. He’s showing a type of personal and social inattention that leads him to touch himself in the television room — that’s not good. It tells us that he’s getting lost in the television program to such an extent that he’s becoming unaware of his behavior and his surroundings. If he is unaware of his behaviors, then a medical consultation may be necessary to evaluate what might be considered lapses in concentration and/or attention. This is especially important if these behaviors are occurring outside the home as well.

In the home, you can discuss these behaviors with him and ask about issues such as stress, anxiety, and excessive energy. You can both agree on a type of signal to use when you observe these behaviors, such as a polite “Honey” or a throat-clearing.

In summary, you are correct to be concerned. The less awareness he has about these behaviors, the more important a medical workup.