Lots of Stress and Feeling Brain Dead

Reader’s Question

Okay, history: Depression since teen years, untreated for a long time, now on meds (20 mg), which have helped. Situation now:

1. Sent ADHD and verbally abusive/destructive son to live with his dad, but it didn’t work out, so he is now moving back with me.
2. Work is horrible. I forget things that I am supposed to do day to day, or even one minute to the next. I changed jobs in February and lost all the smarts that I had. I had done the other job for 10 years and knew it inside and out and helped other people with it. I think I have undiagnosed ADHD. It was manageable, but now I’m going crazy…memory, structure, reliability is down the drain, just since this new job. Or is it just because it is new?
3. I am divorced, with a new man in my life, but I’m not sure what to do when son moves back home. Give up on the relationship? I didn’t have a man in my life for 5 years after separation and had to manage/raise/constantly supervise my ADHD son. I couldn’t leave the house for fear he would try to use the bench saw or other dangerous tools (which I had locked away).
4. At age 43, could I be premenopausal with ADHD? Geez.
5. I hate to be regimental with myself or my son just to get some peace. Do I give in too much? It’s no fun for either one of us!

Signed,
Brain dead, stupid and plain going crazy in my head!

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Wow…here we go:

1. It’s unlikely you’re ADHD. You’re showing more signs of severe stress, and that’s understandable considering your list. Stress can create the inattention, poor concentration, and feeling that you’re in the middle of a tornado.
2. Considering your current treatment — 20 milligrams of just about any antidepressant isn’t going to work with your level of symptoms. I suspect you’re on a maintenance or “starter” dose of an antidepressant. I’d recommend a psychiatric consultation to address the extent and severity of your symptoms. You may need to bring your son as well, as it sounds like his ADHD isn’t being managed very well.
3. Stabilizing your anxiety, depression and stress will improve your performance on the job. You haven’t lost your “smarts” unless you’ve sustained brain damage. However, anxiety and stress makes us “intellectually inefficient” — like having a truck motor and a motorcycle transmission. Your stress is interfering with your ability to master your job.
4. Keep the boyfriend but tell him you’ll be going through a transition with the return of your son. Ask for his patience and continue to have calm, peaceful dates. Remember that your son will see the boyfriend as a threat to his control of you and the family home. For this reason, keep the boyfriend only minimally involved in family activities at first, gradually increasing his involvement over time.
5. You didn’t mention the age of your son…but his behaviors sounds like more than just ADHD. Insist that part of his return to your home must involve counseling, maybe even family counseling. Begin with a highly structured routine when he arrives, then gradually relax as his behavior improves.

You’re not brain dead (you can still email!), clearly not stupid/crazy, but clearly stressed out. Develop a plan and strategy to deal with these issues and get to work.