I Have An Urge to Punch Someone in the Face When Talking

Reader’s Question

Since I was a teenager, I’ve have had the urge to punch someone in the face while I am talking to them. This doesn’t happen all the time by any means. I would say it happens about once every couple of months. I mentally think about doing it without wanting to and sometimes even visualize it taking place. It seems to happen at random, with no preference as to the person, type of conversation, conversation subject matter, surroundings, etc. There have been a few times where I will find myself with my fists clenched and actually fear that I will hit that person without my wanting to. And just to be clear, I’ve never wanted to hit someone while talking to them. Are there any clues as to why this happens or how to resolve it? It’s something I can live with but it is bewildering at times.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

This urge is most likely related to the presence of stress at the time or the surfacing of stress during the conversation. Stress is actually a chemical event in the body. When we experience stress for any reason, the brain activates an entire system of bodily and physical changes. Many of the chemicals released such as adrenalin and norepinephrine are energizing, creating the “fight or flight” reaction. Muscles tighten up, we often experience perspiration, cold hands, clenched fists, a sense of impending action or doom, etc. In your situation, the urge is more fight than flight — thus the clenched fists. The flight reaction is often seen in runaway brides, people who run away from home/job, people who leave the grocery store because they can’t tolerate the crowd, etc.

Everyone has this biological mechanism, and it produces a variety of benefits and problems. In some stressful or threatening situations, the chemical reaction provides the energy to escape or take action to help ourselves and others. In other situations, when expressing our chemical agitation is not socially appropriate, this reaction can create social problems. Examples include road rage, physical outbursts, throwing televisions, screaming at co-workers, etc.

When our normal level of stress increases through social or work demands, increased responsibility, or difficult times — we are more likely to have the experience you describe. I work as an Employee Assistance Psychologist and each week hear a similar story — “I’ve got to get away from my job or somebody’s gonna get hurt!”. If you find this happening more frequently, it’s a sign your stress level is becoming unmanageable.

You can manage this experience by keeping your stress level low. Also watch for situations and events that might trigger anxiety. Pay attention to the early warning signs of anxiety and stress attacks such as pacing, restlessness, tension, etc. If you intervene when the early warning signs surface, the urge to hit someone may not follow.