Embarrassed by an Incident on a Tourist Trip

Reader’s Question

I have read about you and would like to share my problem with you. Actually I am suffering from a strange problem. It is a past memory that makes me tense and hopeless. I am a 23-year-old male virgin. It all happened when we were on a tourist trip in a group. One night I was sleeping just beside a woman of age 50. What happened was while sleeping she put her hand on my neck. She was wearing a saree as a lot of women do in India. So I thought she must be going through a dream and I gently put her hand away from my body. After that she put her hands to the saree and pulled it upwards and appeared nude to me. All her lower area below the belly appeared nude. I thought she must be doing what she must be doing with her husband or I don’t know. But I did see part of her body nude. At that time I left the place and slept somewhere else. But that memory comes in my mind very often and makes me restless and anxious. I also feel guilty about that. It doesn’t let me live happily and I feel like beating the lady. But can’t do so. I feel guilty between my friends for experiencing such a thing. Please help me out.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

I think you’ve viewed with situation correctly. She may have acted in her sleep as though you were her husband, touching you and moving close to you. This is her normal sleeping behavior — although she was not sleeping in her home, which caused the problem. When we’re asleep, the brain runs normally and isn’t always aware of where we’re sleeping…or who is near us. The nudity was an accidental exposure. While the experience was embarrassing and surprising to you, there is no reason to feel ashamed or guilty. In truth, you behaved in the correct manner and in a very adult way. For example:

• When she first touched your neck, you gently placed her hand away from your body. This is the proper and gentlemanly thing to do.
• When she moved in her sleep and revealed her nudity, you politely moved away and slept somewhere else. This is again the proper way to handle the situation.
• In your biggest test of being a man and a gentleman, you didn’t bring the incident to her attention which would have been extremely embarrassing to her. You kept the secret of her behavior.

It’s important to remember that this was not a sexual experience…it was an embarrassing experience that involved nudity. Confronted with this situation, you responded as a good man and a gentleman. She made some embarrassing mistakes when sleeping and is unaware that she made them. Do not bring the incident to her attention. Don’t tell your friends information that would identify her. Keep her secret and remember that you’ll collect several of these embarrassing situations as you grow older. Be proud of yourself that you did the right thing and move on with your life. If you see her again, be polite and say nothing about the incident.