Shocked and Surprised by the Comments and Actions of Others

Reader’s Question

I was wondering is there a common phenomenon or psychological term for being baffled by outlandish statements or irrational actions? I am often so perplexed when someone makes a blatantly ridiculous statement or behaves irrationally, that I don’t speak. This is not the case if someone gives a reasonable argument and I disagree — I am quite adept at debating the validity of my opinion or refuting another’s claims. However, often when people behave in an outlandishly inappropriate manner or make ridiculously false statements, I find myself tongue tied. I become lost in thoughts of disbelief and wonderment, or shock and horror. Occasionally, perhaps a handful of times in my life, I have managed to utter a protest and then I am no longer paralyzed and I can respond appropriately. I cannot find anything about this online, but I assume since there is an old and crude saying pertaining to this, that I am not alone.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

I’m not aware of a psychological term for the situation you describe but it is very common. There are a variety of words used to describe the experience such as being dumbfounded/dumfounded. Why do we have this experience?

Our interaction with our environment is based on the “normal range”. Our years of experience have taught us what to expect in almost all situations, especially in normal conversation. If we ask certain questions, we can almost predict what response we will receive based on our experience. As you describe, we are frequently very shocked, surprised, and even amazed by the responses of other people. When we experience a response that is outside of the predictable, normal range we become startled and some time is required before we can organize a response. This is why we often think of a clever response after the interaction is already over.

Socially skilled individuals such as politicians, celebrities, public speakers, etc. often use “press releases” to prevent that deer-in-the-headlight look when we encounter an off-the-wall comment or opinion. A press release is used to cover those situations and comments that take us by surprise. As a psychologist who does frequent workshops, I’ve often been totally surprised by the comments of participants. I typically respond with “I think that’s the first time I’ve heard of that approach to this situation” or “That’s an interesting comment. I’ll need to think on that a minute.”

Your question was very interesting…I’ll need to think on that a minute.