28-Year Old Boyfriend is a Binge Drinker

Reader’s Question

My 28-year-old boyfriend is a binge drinker. He can go weeks or months without drinking, but when he does, he can’t stop at one or two. He has to get wasted. What’s more concerning is that his personality changes drastically. He is normally a very thoughtful, sensitive, and well grounded person. When he drinks he becomes disrespectful, aggressive, and argumentative. Is it normal for some people to be affected by alcohol in this way, or is it a sign of deeper psychological problems?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

From your description, I don’t sense deeper psychological problems. However, this behavior does suggest some immaturity. Mature, healthy adults are protective of themselves and others. They protect their reputation, physical/mental health, relationships, job, etc. Most adults recognize and set their limits for alcohol, driving fast, gambling, late-night hours, etc. Your boyfriend has problems controlling his alcohol intake and recognizing that his intoxicated behavior is a problem to everyone around him. The need to “get wasted” as they say in college is just that — a behavior more typically found in college students and not 28 year-old adults who have jobs and other responsibilities. The urge to “get wasted” (highly intoxicated) creates significant problems for college-age students and will create even more problems when this behavior is continued into later adult life.

I’d remind him that his behavior changes negatively when he abuses alcohol in this way. I’d also remind him that the goal of an evening out is to have fun as a team — not for one individual to become strongly intoxicated. If the behavior becomes more frequent or more aggressive, then he should consider an alcohol abuse consultation. A couple must work as a team in social situations, and his inability to handle alcohol will create problems for your relationship if it continues.