I’m 26 and Have No Dedication or Force of Will

Reader’s Question

I am 26, and I realized that at this present moment I am not accomplished, and I am losing the possibility of becoming it. Furthermore, I realized this long ago, and I keep on “realizing” it, feeling bad about it, and I just seem not to have enough responsibility, dedication or force of will to actually take a measure. I know there is something wrong and I must start to work on one or more of these skills that I need for a successful life. I am a programmer, but am addicted to games. So I work where I play, and it’s becomming impossible to separate them. How can I work on my low responsibility, dedication and force of will?

Thanks in advance!

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

I think it’s important to recognize that you are already accomplished — educated, bright, a programming career, etc. You are also dedicated and have a strong force of will. It’s just focused in a nonproductive direction — games. I think it’s safe to say that you probably spend more time playing games per day than a graduate student studies, an athlete practices, or a successful businessman works with his business. The problem is your lack of direction, not your dedication or force of will.

It’s not uncommon to be stuck in very exciting and rewarding, yet unproductive interests. While we can afford this as a teen, it’s more difficult to justify as an adult. Bragging that you’ve beaten Halo 3 or have an “expert” rating on Guitar Hero isn’t very impressive at your 10-year high school reunion.

You’ve reached a transition point in your life. You’ll first need to define what you consider an accomplishment in life. Is it social status, professional recognition, personal satisfaction, money, public fame, historical fame (invent a new game?), etc.? Then decide what you want to accomplish and develop a strategy that moves in that direction.

One definition of happiness is engaging in activities that approximate or lead to our goals in life. If we want to be a pilot, installing electrical wire in shopping malls won’t make us happy. However, working at an airport, working with aircraft, or taking ground school will make us happier. Define accomplishment for yourself, select a direction, then move in that direction. Separate your work and play from this new activity. Begin to schedule time for your accomplishment-related activities — reducing your game time.

Accomplishments are not overnight activities. Depending upon what we select, many years can be involved. You have excellent foundations skills so you’ll need to decide your direction. If you decide to continue your focus on programming and games, explore options for related activities that would qualify as an accomplishment such as marketing, game development/theory, improvements in game technology, etc.

While this is an uncomfortable transition time, it’s a necessary transition.