I Don’t Understand Why I Feel Like This

Reader’s Question

Every once in a while I have days where I can’t do anything I enjoy and I don’t know why. It’s like I just can’t be bothered for anything at all. On these days the simplest thing can make me angry or cry almost instantly. Sometimes I just lie down or sit down, not moving. I used to self harm and I don’t want to do it to myself anymore, but when I get like this I always think about it, and I hate it. I want to know why I feel like this. I don’t understand.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

You are describing a type of depression and stress. This type of depression is very gradual and starts with ups and downs in mood, slowly becoming mostly depressed with crying spells and anger. It’s very common when we have been under social and personal stress for many months.

As you noticed, when we become depressed, the brain begins to torment us with memories about our past and our past behaviors. When depressed and stressed, individuals who have a past of self-harm, alcohol/drug abuse, etc. are suddenly tormented by thoughts about those behaviors. A person who has been sober for 15 years — when depressed — reports “All I can think about is drinking!” Your brain is tormenting you with your past behavior.

I’d recommend taking a few of the depression tests on this website. I’d also read information on depression and various treatments available. You are exhibiting many of the physical signs of depression and for that reason, you would respond to an antidepressant medication. I’d consult with your physician and consider an antidepressant. I’d also recommend counseling.