How Can I Make it Special When My Husband Returns Home From Military Deployment?

Reader’s Question

My husband has been away from home on a military deployment. We have been apart for close to 6 months. This time apart has been very hard on me, simply because I have taken all the weight and responsibility of the house bills, school and our daughter, among other things. Now that he is coming back I want us to spend some quality time together as a family and I was thinking that we could go to Disneyland and Knott’s Berry Farm to spend time with my daughter.

I want to spend some quality time with him, something romantic for the two of us. Can you recommend what steps to take to make this welcome home romantic and unforgettable? I just want to show him how much we missed and love him. This separation was very hard for both of us.

Sincerely,
Military Wife

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

After six months deployment — seeing you and his daughter will be unforgettable! Holding you again will be romantic. Being home with his family is all the welcome home he will need. While I know you want to do something special for his return, he hasn’t spent the past six months thinking about Disneyland or Knott’s Berry Farm. He’s thought about nothing but his wife and child…and being home. I’m sure he doesn’t want to come home to the hectic schedule of a vacation at a theme park — driving for hours, standing in long lines for a high-priced rubber hamburger, or seeing dolphins jump in a pool. He’s coming home to his family and his community. I’d recommend:

• Plan a welcome home at your home. Some ‘Welcome Home’ signs, even a message on the sign of the local hotel or restaurant in the community would be nice.
• Prior to his arrival, ask who he’d like to see…parents, friends, etc. Schedule a small get-together with those people several days after his return. Allow him to mentally decompress first.
• Don’t schedule a lot of hectic and busy activities for him. He didn’t come home to be active, he’s home to relax and enjoy his family.
• Allow him to be as active as he wants — not at the pace we think he needs or wants. If he wants to take a trip — go. If he wants to sit home and play video games with you and his daughter — do it.
• Get a babysitter and enjoy a dinner and quiet night together. It doesn’t have to be any place special unless he wants to go somewhere.
• Schedule a “business meeting” with him, providing him information about bills, accounts, etc. Once this is done, don’t bring up those issues at dinner or in other situations. Separate the running of the home and his homecoming as much as possible.

Don’t do anything special…you and your daughter are the special treat that will make his homecoming wonderful and unforgettable. You don’t need to do anything or be anything other than the loving wife who has missed her husband.

Ten years from now, if he remembers this homecoming and suddenly says “I would have really liked to go to Disneyland” — you can blame me. “Quality time” is related to who we’re with, not where we are.