Can Marital Fighting Cause Self-Injury in Toddlers?

Reader’s Question

My son is one year four months old. I have noticed a new behavior in him. If he realizes that hitting himself with the swing is causing pain then he repeats hurting himself again and again till his attention towards it is changed or he gets distracted by seeing something else. I am slightly concerned about this as his father is a trichotillomania patient. He also has the habit of showing high irritation by pulling his hairs with a slight amount of force. I would like to know if the fights between me and his father are making him to do this.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

The human body and brain are designed to respond to our environment. Calm and relaxed environments (home, some workplaces, parks, beaches, etc.) tend to lower our blood pressure, lower our stress level, and produce a relaxation response that includes reduced muscle tension. When our environment becomes excited, confused, or aggressive the body moves into a “flight or fight” mode — releasing chemicals, tightening muscles, increasing blood pressure, and so forth, to prepare us either to flee the situation or to fight for our lives.

When you and your husband are fighting, it creates an aggressive and excited environment for your child. His brain/body releases excitement chemicals and he becomes more hyperactive and even self-aggressive. We see the same behavior in animals as dogs become more aggressive and more excited as additional people enter a room.

Yes, your marital fighting may be producing or exaggerating your son’s behavior. If the fighting is creating that much chemical agitation in your son — it suggests your marital fights are becoming pretty aggressive, loud, and threatening. To help your son and your marriage, I would recommend marital counseling to develop ways of problem-solving. Continued exposure to loud, threatening, and aggressive marital fighting may create psychological problems for you son that include OCD symptoms, anxiety reactions, social withdrawal, or even tic disorders.

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