What’s Wrong With Me? Depression?

Reader’s Question

For the past couple of years I have been really depressed. Well, not all the time, but I do go through major depression episodes several times a year and in between those I have milder bouts of depression. I also get mad really easily: I’ll break things, throw things, whatever to help take the anger away. I have even hit/cut myself at times to try to stop the pain.

I’m not good with relationships and I’m really scared to get close to people and I really don’t fully trust anyone. I’m 26 years old and have never been in a sexual relationship ever. I have no desire for sex or to really be around people at all. I stay in the house most of the time because that is where I feel safe and comfortable. I do have a few friends, but if someone does something to me — even if it’s just something little — I can easily turn from liking them to completely hating them.

I am also somewhat of a perfectionist; I can’t stand it if things are not perfect, and I hate myself because I can’t be this perfect person I have imagined in my mind and this makes the depression that much worse. Also I can’t ever complete a task. I was a straight A student in college, but now I can barely get myself out of bed each morning.

I have lost interest in everything and just about everyone. I feel so lonely and empty just about all the time and I complain about being bored constantly because nothing gives me any type of satisfaction. I know I am depressed but I’m not too sure what is causing the other things and why I stay angry pretty much all of the time. I have never seen anyone for help because it’s hard for me to admit I really do need help and for me to trust the doctors, but any information you could give me would be appreciated.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

What you are describing is a chronic severe depression. In current theory, depression is associated with low availability of the neurotransmitter Serotonin (and others at times). Low Serotonin also causes obsessive-compulsive symptoms (being a perfectionist) and problems with anger control. When depression first surfaces we are aware of the change in our life as depression is very limiting and damaging. However, if we don’t receive treatment, depression slowly moves into becoming a lifestyle as you describe — angry all the time, isolated, few outside contacts, almost agoraphobic, no interests, no joy, severe fatigue, etc.

To recover from this situation, here are some steps:

• Educate yourself about depression. Read articles about depression on this website and two additional articles on my website at www.drjoecarver.com — Understanding Depression & Chemical Imbalance. Take a few of the depression screening tests.
• Recognize and accept that your brain is full of baloney! When depressed, our brain generates hundreds of irrational fears, thoughts, attitudes, and self-talk. We become fearful of everything, everybody, and everyplace. Stick to a plan for recovery and allow depressive thoughts to pass through your head.
• Seek medical consultation for an antidepressant medication. These medications work by increasing the availability of Serotonin. With your level of depression, they are extremely important.
• Arrange for counseling/therapy. Antidepressant medications and therapy/counseling are the best way to pull out of a severe, chronic depression.
• Set aside about one to two hours per day for personal therapy. During that time, search the internet for topics such as recovering from depression, anger management, stress reduction, etc. Read all you can about your symptoms.

Your situation is very treatable…but you’ll need to get started. The worst situation occurs when we become comfortable being miserable…that’s not good. When that happens, we continue our life in a joyless, dark hole, preoccupied with anger and misery. Get Started Getting Out!