My Boyfriend Downloads Pictures of Young Teens

Reader’s Question

My boyfriend frequently downloads pornography of young teens. Just recently I found numerous photos of preteens and young girls in provocative poses that he attained from a photo sharing website. These pictures were of little girls in bikinis, family photos of young girls and their parents, teens under the age of 18 playing sports, etc… I am speechless and do not know what to think or what to say. Can you help me understand this situation and guide me in the right direction as to how to approach this matter. Do I need to report this and to whom?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Sexual interests and fantasies cover a wide range, but his behavior is moving in a very disturbing direction. The fact that you are speechless tells you that it’s far outside the range of sexual interest that might be expected. Some general thoughts and guidelines:

• You’ll need to confront him about this behavior and how you feel about it. He may become very defensive and offer his interpretation and reasons for feeling the behavior is acceptable. You may receive the age-old excuse about not judging people but in this case, when you’re involved in a relationship with him, you have every right to judge this behavior, protest, and demand a change.
• If you are living together, you have the right to demand that all photos and links be removed/deleted immediately. You also have the right to demand that a shared computer will not be used for such purposes. Why? Unchecked, this behavior may reach the point of criminal activity in which case you could be implicated if you are living in the same home or sharing a computer.
• Countries and states (in the US) have different laws regarding child pornography. What you are describing might be consider fantasy-enrouraging pre-pornography regarding children. You didn’t mention the presence of actual pornography that involves children. That is considered a criminal act. Photo-sharing sites that specialize in those pictures often walk a fine line between being fantasy-encouraging and being illegal and pornographic. However, his interest in these photos as a form of sexual fantasy is moving his sexual thoughts in a dark direction. If he continues to indulge his fantasies in this direction, he may eventually find himself involved in illegal activity.
• It is possible that his interest in this area may be stronger than his feelings about the relationship. If this is true and he is unable or unwilling to make you feel safe about this issue, then you will need to protect yourself and move on.

In every technology certain individuals find illegal, immoral, and unethical applications. If his interests in this area are more than curiosity, it tells you that the relationship has a risk factor that is far outside the normal range. Protect yourself.

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