Is It Normal to be Unhappy During a Divorce?

Reader’s Question

Is it normal for a man going through the process of divorce to be unhappy? Would you say this is a mild case of depression surfacing? It’s been a 2 year process thus far and still the actual court date has been held up yet again until October. My friend just says he is not happy. But everything around him seems to be in a constant state of flux. I would think his reaction is absolutely normal.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Marital separation and divorce are two of the top five stressors in adult life. Depression is very common, even when the divorce brings some relief as in abusive marriages. Divorces that are prolonged, as you describe, often create a state of emotional exhaustion and depression. That constant state of flux produces a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness — two major feelings in depression.

From a mental health standpoint, I’d be more concerned if he were not depressed or distressed by the situation. You can assure him that his emotional state is normal for his situation. If he has the physical symptoms of depression such as sleep/appetite disturbance, severe fatigue, etc. he may benefit from the use of an antidepressant medication. I’d recommend taking some of the depression screening tests on this website and reviewing articles on depression. He should also consider seeing a counselor to assist him during this very difficult life passage.