Neighbor’s Kid Won’t Stop Throwing Rocks in My Yard

Reader’s Question

I have a single mother with a 14 year old boy living next door. Over the last five years I have had numerous disagreements with them. They were usually over minor issues involving respecting my property boundries. Upon my moving into my house five years ago, the boy started throwing things over the fence. I have pointed this out to his mother on numerous occasions. She then asks the boy if he did it, to which he replies no. Five years later the rocks are still coming over the fence, and I’m getting very angry. We are not on speaking terms and I have tried every approach, including calling the cops, and even suggesting mediation which the mother has steadfastly refused. The mother can’t stand me and does not appear to want the behavior to stop. Can you explain her behavior? Can you tell me why after 5 years the kid will not stop throwing things into my yard?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Most likely, the mother and her son are at the same level of social maturity. While there’s not enough information about her for a clear-cut clinical impression, her behavior is something we find in Personality Disorders (see articles on this website). Personality Disorders (PD) have no respect for the rights of others, deny personal responsibility for anything they do (or allow to happen), and have a tremendous sense of entitlement that justifies their antisocial behavior. Because you have created some social or legal issues for her, she feels justified in allowing the property violations to continue. In fact, she and the son are actually mutually supportive in this activity — she maintains a level of resentment/hostility toward you and he acts on her anger. It’s like allowing your dog to bite someone you don’t like…then protesting that it was an accident.

In a way, they probably live a lifestyle full of conflicts with others as we find in Personality Disorders. You are actually one of many individuals on their “hit list” of anger, resentment, and hostility. Because they exhibit PD characteristics, there’s a certain level of danger to you in this situation. Folks with a Personality Disorder don’t have normal boundaries regarding what they are willing to do and not do. For this reason, if you intensify the disagreement through legal or other means, they will feel justified in increasing their antisocial behaviors against you and your property. Their behavior may increase from rock throwing to vandalizing your home or automobile. When you’re antisocial, there is no eye-for-an-eye. It’s eye-for-an-eye…and a slashed tire, broken window, spray painted house, cut cables, etc.

No, this situation isn’t fair, legal or socially acceptable. Sadly, they would like nothing more than to have a running battle/hostility with you over the fence. It provides them with a justification for their normal hostility toward others, actually giving them a sense of self-righteousness. To deal with this, I’d try to remain calm and low-profile. Imagine each rock in your yard as a measure of how miserable their week has been…and you’re only bothered by the rocks. The great thing about having a family “hit list” — it keeps growing due to their antisocial conflicts with others. Soon you will become a low priority and slide off the hit list.

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