My Husband Thinks I’m Having Affairs…Is He Depressed?

Reader’s Question

My husband every so often thinks I have affairs with other men (which is not true). I am his second wife and I don’t know if his thoughts about his first wife cheating on him were really delusional or if they really happened. But my question is how do I get a delusional person to really see the truth that what he believes is fake? He will not seek counseling, because he does not think he is wrong, but he does take medicine for depression. My marriage is on the edge, and I am just looking any way to help me with this disorder.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Suspicions about infidelity occur in several mental health problems. To obtain a general understanding, let’s look at thoughts about cheating spouses in a range:

Depression:

A significant part of depression is low self-esteem and low self-worth. Depressed individuals often feel their spouses are cheating or looking for other partners due to their sense that they are poor partners. When we feel we are unattractive, we often feel our partner is looking at attractive people — despite their assurances. This is most likely your husband’s experience if he is under treatment for depression. When the issue comes up, provide assurances of your love and loyality and suggest that you accompany him to his mental health provider to discuss the issue.

Chronic Suspicion:

This often occurs in a Personality Disorder (see my introduction to personality disorders on this website). People with a personality disorder can be extremely jealous, controlling, envious, and resentful. This behavior is part of their personality and will not likely change over time.

Paranoia:

Paranoid thoughts can be delusional — that is, a completely false belief based on imaginary information or thoughts. In delusional paranoia, there are typically multiple areas and topics involved, not just a cheating spouse. This is a severe psychiatric disorder and requires treatment and medication.

I suspect your husband is feeling insecure about himself and his worth to you. This is very common in depression. I’d recommend:

• Assure him of your interest,
• Talk about the future with him,
• Support his use of antidepressant medications — he may be taking them improperly which may cause the suspicions to come and go,
• Offer to participate in his treatment,
• Provide him with lots of details about what you’re doing, and
• Continue to use joking and humor to alleviate his fears.

Rate this post?

(3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)

 Loading ...