Scared I’ll Lose My Mom…Does Anyone Else Feel This Way?

Reader’s Question

For some reason every time I look at my mom I’m scared for the day she dies. I can’t imagine living without her. I can be having a good time and all of a sudden a wave of sadness comes over me because I start thinking about when I’ll never get to share good times with her anymore. I’m almost crying while writing this. Just the thought terrifies me. It’s starting to make me really sad all the time. It’s only with my mom. I don’t get that feeling with anyone else. I’m 18 now and have no plans of ever moving away from my mom; I couldn’t be happy. Does anyone else feel this way?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

At the age of 18, many young adults experience a degree of separation anxiety. While fears of being independent, leaving home, attending school far away, obtaining a job and leaving parents are common, your reaction is more intense than those of most young adults. This suggests something more than a fear of losing or leaving your mother — even if you and your mother are very close. I suspect you may be dealing with a moderate or stronger stress-produced depression.

A high level of stress (teen years, high school issues, family concerns, etc.) over a long period of time slowly lowers levels of the brain chemical called Serotonin. As this brain chemical decreases, we begin to have symptoms of depression. Some of those symptoms include sleep problems, poor concentration, fatigue, racing thoughts (thinking too much), appetite disturbance, and crying spells. Social withdrawal and fearfulness are also common. Low Serotonin can also create obsessive thoughts, like those we see in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Your thought about your mother may be an obsessive thought that won’t leave your head and torments you each day. As your depression continues, you will eventually become fearful and not want to leave the house.

If my impression seems correct, here’s what I would do:

1. Think about your last 18 months. Have you been under stress?
2. Read the articles on depression on this website and take a few of the depression tests.
3. If you agree that this is a depression, consult your family physician or OB/GYN. They can provide antidepressant medications that will be helpful.
4. Make an appointment with a counselor or therapist. Your depression may also include low self-confidence and fears of being independent that can be explored in counseling.

While many young adults experience separation anxieties and issues, a depression will intensify those normal concerns to the point that we become overwhelmed by the distress. Treatment is available.