Casual Comment by Friend: Am I Being Overly Sensitive?

Reader’s Question

I have a random question about something that was disturbing me. I am making it a bigger deal than it really is, but I wanted your advice. I am generally a confident person, and have many close friends. But little things bother me and I’m not sure if there’s anything wrong with thinking this way. For example, one of my best friends, Friend #1, did a Spanish presentation in our lab yesterday, which all three best friends (me, Friend #2, and Friend #1) are in. Both of them live close to each other so it’s easier to get together and they went on the same summer trip. We are all really close, but they have the advantage that they live close and can see each other more. In her presentation, she said at the end, my trip was great because I went with my best friend, Friend #2. I just wanted to know if I’m overanalyzing but also how you would interpret that. I interpreted as Friend #2 is my best friend, not as she is one of my best friends.

Also, I was wondering if there’s a certain test you can take online for other psychological assessments that are valid and well worth my time.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

I think you’re reading too much into her comment. Your friend made the comment during a discussion of her summer trip, so it is appropriate to mention her companion on that trip. Keep in mind that in casual conversation, people don’t speak carefully, sensitively, or self-consciously. It was probably an impulsive comment that was not a reflection of her relationship with you. That comment identifies your mutual friend specifically, not her entire network of friends.

There’s nothing wrong (from a mental health standpoint) with letting little things bother you — but it’s a lot of work and worry…and it will make you pretty miserable. This incident suggests you are evaluating your relationships with people based on that they say…or don’t say…and you’re very detailed about it. That behavior will emotionally exhaust you and create frequent misunderstandings. If your friends know you are doing this, it makes them feel like they are “walking on eggshells” — fearful of offending you. That will cause them to gradually pull away from you rather than feel overly self-conscious in your presence. Instead of making and keeping friends, this behavior pushes them away.

I’m sure there are a variety of tests, including many on this website, that will help you explore your personality. Most will be worth your time. However, like viewing comments from your friends, don’t read too much into Internet test results. Most tests available on the Internet are screening instruments — not highly-researched psychological instruments. They may be helpful in identifying areas of concern but don’t take one test result as though it’s a competent and valid psychological analysis. Have fun with them and explore your personality. Also learn to take life a little easier.