Boyfriend Feels He is The Truth, The Light, and The Way

Reader’s Question

I have a boyfriend who has all-or-nothing thinking. He acts like he is the truth, the light and the way. He thinks I have to follow the way that he lives and he has all the answers to my problems that I do not see as a problem but which to him are problems.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

What he’s really telling you is that he’s a controller. Right now he encourages you to follow his directions, but as the relationship continues, he will demand it. Controllers are incredibly narcissistic (self-worshiping), selfish, and have little or no respect for the individual rights or concerns of others. I have listed many of the behaviors of controllers in my article entitled Identifying Losers in Relationships on this website. The website also has very long discussion threads on the Loser topic.

I think he is showing some very serious early signs that he will not only be a controller but an abuser as well. Controllers have a massive sense of entitlement — that is, they feel proud and justified in treating people the way they do. This same sense of entitlement later allows them to punish anyone around them who doesn’t follow their directions. At first the punishment is pouting and verbal abuse. Yelling and screaming are followed by verbal threats and restrictions, ending with physical abuse.

The fact that he’s inventing problems, making problems that you don’t see, tells me he is creating problems to use when he verbally intimidates you. I would seriously consider getting another boyfriend and I’m sure I’m not the first one who has mentioned this to you.

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