I’m 58 and My Mother Still Buys Me Underwear for Christmas!

Reader’s Question

I’m 58 and my sister is 56. Our mother has bought us underwear for Christmas for years — and at our age, we find it bizarre. We don’t have a good relationship with her either. Is there some kind of psychological reason why she would do this?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Yes, buying you underwear for Christmas at your age is bizarre. However, I’d bet it is just the tip of the iceberg regarding her behavior. Your mother has probably always been socially inappropriate at some level and this is a good example. As a psychologist, I would offer several possibilities:

First, your mother has always been somewhat socially “odd” and eccentric in her behavior. Individuals like this often find a safe pattern of behavior and do the same thing over and over again. Individuals who operate this way are often incapable of having good relationships with others as they lack good social skills. In this situation, she would be incapable of showing normal emotional warmth and loving concern.

Second, your mother has personality issues. She is the “queen of drama” and is prone to pouting, manipulating, and controlling others. The underwear is her way of expressing hostility toward you and your sister for not meeting her frequent demands. People with personality issues can’t have good relationships with others because they are incredibly selfish and incapable of focusing on the needs of their children rather than their own.

Lastly, your mother is a creature of habit. You and your sister get underwear forever. If you had brothers, they get socks. She does the same thing on her birthday and will for the rest of her life. She sees no reason to change. Other folks get a tie each Christmas. She’s likely to send out fruit cakes as well.

Obviously, receiving underwear is a sign of social difficulties on your mother’s part. I’d ignore it and recognize that the underwear is a token statement from your mother. That poor relationship is still there and at her age, will likely continue.