Can a Father Ruin the Relationship Between a Mother and Daughter?

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Clinical psychologist Dr Joseph M Carver, PhD, offers replies to reader questions submitted anonymously to Ask the Psychologist.

Reader’s Question

Q:

Can a Father/husband ruin a relationship between mother and daughter depending on how he handles issues that arise in the household?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

A:

Anyone involved in a relationship can ruin that relationship! Fathers/Husbands have a relationship with their wife and daughter — sometimes good, sometimes bad. Fathers often create problems with the mother and daughter due to problems with communication, authority, and parenting styles. Fathers who are very strict, for example, often place their wife in the middle of a battle with the daughters. While the daughter looks to Mom for support, Mom is torn between supporting her husband and also supporting her daughter. Mothers often find themselves in a no-win situation. If Mom supports one, the other person considers her disloyal. Differences in parenting styles also create problems. Ideally, both parents should work as a team with their parenting style.

Children in the family are often not given “adult information” about the relationship between Mom and Dad. For this reason, when Mom supports a household decision by the Father, the son or daughter often feels betrayed and bitter toward Mom. Children often develop misunderstandings with their parents because they fail to recognize the normal need for parents to support each other in a relationship — in good times and bad times — even if the decisions are contrary to the wishes of the children. It often takes time, experience, and maturity for sons and daughters to realize that there’s more to handling issues in the household than simply agreeing or disagreeing with members of the family.

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About the Author: A Clinical Psychologist with 36 years in the field, Dr Carver is currently in practice in southern Ohio in the US. He became Consulting Psychologist with CounsellingResource.com in 2007.

This article was last reviewed by Dr Joseph M Carver, PhD on Tuesday, 26th February 2008. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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