Grandmother Watches New Grandson Most of the Week

Reader’s Question

I have been watching my 6 month old grandson for 5 months now from 8 in the morning till 6 at night. My daughter was giving me 100.00 a week and then just stopped. I never asked for money becasue I love my grandson dearly but should I ask her why she stopped giving me money? She doesn’t work for financial reasons.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Your daughter is taking advantage of you. She doesn’t work, yet you are babysitting all day for no pay at this point. This is a situation that is 100% in her favor. This can be related to several situations.

You can immediately ask for the money, but there is an issue that will come up. Your daughter is already insensitive about your situation, for whatever reason. If you ask her to begin paying money again, she will hold the grandson hostage. She will likely have a temper tantrum, followed by something like “I’ll get somebody else to watch him if you don’t love your grandson!” She will then withhold the grandson from you until you finally agree to work for free again. At that point, the situation will return to 10 free babysitting hours per day while she relaxes. I may be wrong, but I’d bet that would be her reaction based on her current behavior toward you.

Other issues may also be involved. You can take a “tough love” approach and require payment for your babysitting. You would be forced to spend several weeks without your grandson until she reaches the maturity required to be sensitive to your side of the situation. You can also propose several deals including babysitting for free, but only a few days per week. Honestly, it sounds like she was overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for an infant after the first month and has passed the responsibility to you. Considering this, you can offer to do some mutual parenting where both of you are present, sharing the parenting responsibility — sometimes at your place, sometimes at hers.

If she is overwhelmed by the presence and responsibilities of an infant, you may need to enlist others to help as well. You can’t be the only solution here — she must help and gradually assume parental responsibilities. If you feel she is experiencing a post-partum depression, accompany her to the OB/GYN office and discuss it in her presence with the physician.