Is There A Difference Between Being in Love with Someone and Loving Someone?

Reader’s Question

Is there a diffrence in being in love with someone and loving someone??? I say there is.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Some things in life are explained by an on-and-off switch…such as death and pregnancy. You either are…or you are not. There is no middle ground and no grey area. Other aspects of life are on a scale, and I feel “Love” falls into this category. I think there are may types of love — each defined by its ingredients. It’s like going to a Bean Soup cook-off. It’s all Bean Soup, but each bowl is different based on the ingredients in the mixture.

If we imagine Love on a scale, the bottom of the scale might be our “Love for all Mankind” — our belief that everyone should be happy and without misery. At the top of the scale is Overwhelming Passionate Love — that combination of romantic love, sexual passion, give-your-life-for-them love. Lets try this…Low End of the scale Up:

1. Love for Mankind,
2. Love/Fondness for people and things (”I love my new HD television!),
3. Love/Fondness based on relationships such as relatives, in-laws,
4. Love based on fond memories of earlier relationships such as old friends,
5. Love based on personal experience and on-going relationships such as best friends,
6. Love based on emotional intimacy and history,
7. Love based on intense emotional bond as with children or parents,
8. Romantic Love based on a history of emotional and sexual intimacy, and finally
9. Overwhelming Passionate Love based on very active emotional and sexual intimacy as with a romantic partner.

I can also see a difference between loving someone and being in-love with someone. Loving someone can be viewed as a static, stable situation as when we love our parents, friends, etc. Being “in love” suggests an active process that is at the emotional forefront each day — typically progressing in a positive direction.

Just a few thoughts from an old romantic…