New Child, Abusive Father, and Long-Standing Depression and Anxiety

Reader’s Question

I have had anxiety and depression issues all my life but recently they have gotten worse. I am having a hard time dealing with the stress of everyday life, and feel guilty about it. I am a stay at home mom with a one year old, but I’m also twenty years old. I often question my choices with my life, but feel guilty that I do it. My husband loves me very much, so the thought of not being in this life makes me feel bad. We talk all the time and when I see his face drop when I start feeling anxious, I feel even worse. I’ve also had a bad relationship with my father concerning my pregnancy and marriage. We have always had a bizarre up and down relationship, but most of the time it involved a lot of verbal abuse and his alcoholism. He disowned me for my choices and told me to chose him or abort my daughter. I am still hurt by this and don’t know how to let it go. I tell myself over and over that I forgive, but my heart just doesn’t believe it. My anxiety has recently become a big part of my life and I often feel outside of my body and very tired. I eat well and exercise to try and alleviate the issues, but I think there is some other problem, both mental and physical. Another issue is that a year ago I went to the doctor and they told me I have hyperthyroidism. I never got to go to an endocrinologist because we didn’t have health insurance at the time. When I went to another doctor over the summer, he said it wasn’t a problem and never checked it out. A lot of the symptoms I have are the same as with hyperthyroidism, but due to my husband’s job change, we don’t have health insurance again until the end of February. I’m not denying that there are most definitely mental issues here, which I need to learn to let go, but the thought that there could possibly be a physical problem and I can’t go to a doctor makes me feel helpless, insecure, and anxious.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

You may or may not be able to forgive your father. What’s more important is that you recognize what he is…a verbally abusive alcoholic who demands relationships only on his terms. When we have this type of parent, we do indeed become chronically anxious — the sense that we have spent our life “walking on eggshells” — trying to avoid verbal abuse, insults, or outbursts. Living in this environment produces both chronic anxiety and some Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) features. We frequently feel guilty — without knowing why. In short, your father has probably done some major damage to your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. For a look at his behaviors and techniques — I’d recommend reading my article Identifying Losers in Relationships, on this website.

Your clinical symptoms include both anxiety and depression. Those symptoms can be increased by both childbirth (postpartum depression) and hyperthyroidism. When your medical coverage arrives, I’d consult a physician immediately. You may benefit from an antidepressant medication. Counseling would also be helpful. In truth, while your father remains an abusive, opinionated, and nasty individual — you have the foundation for a great life…a good husband, a healthy child, and good intelligence (your email is very articulate). Keep in mind you don’t need the love or acceptance of your father to be a healthy adult, spouse and parent. In fact, with his disposition, if he approved of something you’re doing I’d start to worry.

Rate this post?

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...