I’m Feeling Depressed Because My Counseling is Ending

Reader’s Question

Ironically I’m feeling depressed because my counselling is ending. I received some free therapy because my husband was attending a course relating to domestic abuse. I have had over 35 sessions for which I have been really grateful, and I appreciate it couldn’t have gone on forever, and I know I have had more than most people get for free. The home situation has improved to a safe and copeable level but of course over time I have become very attached to my counsellor and I feel quite bereft at the thought of leaving him.

I have gone through some strong transference feelings towards him which thankfully are now not so powerful, but at times this has been hard to deal with. He has just been there for me, week in and week out without fail for nine months, and we have discussed so much peronsal stuff it just seems unthinkable not to have him there to talk to. It took a long while to open up and just as I am eventually feeling I can speak freely we have run out of time. It is as though he has opened Pandora’s box and is now leaving me with the consequences. I feel I have seen things about myself I don’t like but I don’t yet know how to change. My self esteem is low but I don’t know how to improve that. I told him I feel abandoned and sad and as though I’m drowning under a sheet of ice. I know he can see me drowning, I can see him through the ice but it seems he is just watching me. He listened and empathised but of course…still just watched me drown.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

You are experiencing a significant loss in your life…experiencing a form of grief and depression. This is not unusual in your situation. However, one of the many benefits of the counseling process has been your ability to benefit from counseling, open up to a professional, and recognize issues that need attention. Many people attending counseling require many months before they are able to open up to the counselor/therapist. You now have that ability. You are comfortable with the counseling setting.

I would recommend asking your counselor/therapist for a referral to another professional. Your current counselor is likely an employee of a program and cannot accept you as a client outside the program…and that’s not unusual. He may be able to refer you to another therapist in the region where you can continue your progress. It’s like learning a lot from your first big job…you can take the work and employment skills you learned to the next job.

I would continue on your path of improvement. Your location may have additional free or “sliding scale” services. If you have medical insurance, your insurance carrier may have an employee assistance program that can provide counseling or a list of accepted providers in your area. Keep going and move to the next level of treatment. You’ve identified some issues to work on and you don’t want to stop there.