Sister Waiting for a Job That Will Never Come…What’s Wrong?

Reader’s Question

At 27, my sister has graduated college and has her degree. She doesn’t have and will not get a job. She continues to wait to be contacted by a company she has an application in with. She is very upset with someone there saying that while they worked together (when my sister was an intern there), the woman told her she would call her to get her a job. Three years later, it’s obvious she won’t be calling, but my sister believes they have something against her. In the meantime, my sister has nothing but sends anyone and everyone she can cards. I got 3 different cards from her for Christmas and she sent me a card for my birthday next year (10 months ahead of time) just because she is obsessed with giving. She also gave me 10 dollars and she doesn’t even have enough money to buy gas. She wrecked her car 4 times last year and was pulled over three times. She believes that the local police department has a conspiracy against her. What do all these signs mean? She gets very defensive and angry when people confront her about getting work or getting help. She used to accuse us of stealing from her when she misplaced or lost things. This paranoia and co-dependency worries me. What does it all mean?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Your sister, as you suspect, is in need of mental health treatment. I suspect your sister developed a severe depression following her graduation and with the disappointment of not getting a job offer. Her depression has immobilized her over the past three years, making her unable to meet the routine demands of life. Depression is related to low levels of a brain chemical called Serotonin. That same neurotransmitter is linked to obsessive-compulsive behavior which is where your sister’s obsessions with card sending and gift-giving (and I suspect other odd behaviors) are coming from. Her obsessive waiting for one specific job is also related to the OC features of depression. We actually see this frequently in clinical practice. In fact, the situation has been the subject of songwriters, including the country song “Delta Dawn” about a woman who waits her entire life to be taken away to a paradise home promised by a “loser” boyfriend in her early years.

As her depression deepens, and she becomes more unable to function in the community (multiple auto accidents due to poor concentration), she will also become more suspicious and defensive. She will withdraw to the point of not wanting to leave the home. At present, she will be experiencing multiple symptoms of depression including excessive sleep (or insomnia instead), loss of energy/motivation, physical complaints, social withdrawal, emotional instabililty, crying spells, bitterness/resentment, poor concentration, etc. While she may be resistive to getting psychiatric help, you may be able convince her to seek treatment for the physical complaints of depression such as insomnia, leg cramps, chest pains, headaches, temperature flushes, etc.

I’d also recommend reading my article on Chemical Imbalance on my website at www.drjoecarver.com; I’ve also got a handout on depression on the website, and this website has additional information on depression. Your sister’s condition is very treatable but as you’ve observed, obtaining the cooperation of a depressed and suspicious individual is very difficult.

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