Caring for a Friend with DID

Reader’s Question

My friend was recently diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). It was actually because of some odd behavior when she and I were on a trip for our high school debate team that she finally was diagnosed. Well her mom has asked me to come stay over with her a few days whilst her mother is gone, because she’s not, well, stable I guess and her mom is worried about there not being someone there all the time (her dad works till late). So I was wondering what I can do to help my friend overall and specifically what I need to expect/be prepared for during this extended sleepover. Two distinct personalities have been defined (besides my friend), they are both close to her in age and apparently pretty nice, and when you ask to talk to my friend she will normally resurface. She did have another personality a little bit ago, that of a young 3 year old girl, but that one seems to have vanished. She is also beginning to be able to remember what happened when she was that 3 year old, whereas before immediately after the events she could remember nothing. So again I was just wondering what I should do, how I need to act, how to I make this as easy for her as possible in the week I am there?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

I’m concerned that you would be given such responsibility in the first place. While I know it’s a type of house-sitting while your friend is home, situations can occur that would need adult decisions. If you agree to do this, I would make sure you have the numbers of the father and mother, as well as any mental health treatment professional currently working with your friend.

I would caution you about becoming too involved in your friend’s situation. DID can produce situations that are often highly dramatic if not theatrical. While I’m sure you want to help your friend, this situation is best left to her parents and to those professionals working with her. DID is treated by specific mental health methods and there is very little that you can do to fix or improve her situation.

When relating to her, just be yourself. Don’t try to out-think her situation or treat it. Right now she will need a friend the most. At the same time, be sure to protect yourself and avoid being pulled into situations that would make your life difficult. One of her “alters” might decide to get into trouble and you don’t want to follow. Be kind, be a friend, but protect yourself and make decisions that keep you healthy.

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