Child Cries Constantly and Nothing Works

Reader’s Question

I have three children, ages three, 21 months and seven and half months. I am writing about my 21-month old. I had a normal pregnancy, I did not smoke, I had a C-section birth — no complications. I took my prenatal vitamins regularly and also Prozac during the last three months of the pregnancy. (20 mg dose)

My child was born — and was 8 lbs, he passed his APGAR with flying colors. He did have a frenulotomy — the tip of his tongue was connected to the frenulum (sorry about the spelling). Otherwise, completely healthy and normal.

Here’s the catch: From birth, he has cried inconsolably. At first, his pediatrician diagnosed it as cholic. But, it didn’t end at three months. It continued. He wakes up during the night, four to five times a night — screaming — as if terrified. And during the days — he does the same. He will behave normally for a few minutes, and then without warning, without cause, he will slam his face or head into the floor/other kid/wall etc. repeatedly, screaming.

The crying during the day resembles a tantrum. We have tried everything. We have been to all sorts of pediatricians who roll their eyes and chalk it up to being spoiled or a brat. We have looked at autism, noonan sydrome and other diseases or afflictions.

We have spanked, tried time-out, tried positive reinforcement — which was the most successful but the anamoly apparently wore off and we are at square one. He is normal in every aspect of childhood, except for the tantrum-y behavior and nocturnal awakenings. I’m almost suicidal. What should I do? Is there a different kind of doctor to take him to? Is this an emotional disturbance? Is it ADD? I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE!!!!!!

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Your email and question contains two major themes. First, you have a child who has crying and other behavior that is in the high-end of the normal range — maybe even outside the range for a child of 21 months. A variety of mostly-medical conditions can produce chronic crying in young children and would require medical consultation. You may be required to increase the level of medical speciality as you seek help — moving from a pediatrician to a pediatric psychiatrist for example. As you mentioned, ADHD is often associated with this type of behavior but an examination would be necessary.

Second, your 21 month experience has physically and emotionally exhausted you. It’s highly probably that you are clinically depressed as a result of this experience. Exposure to high levels of stress for prolonged time produces a clinical depression. Check articles and depression tests on this website and I think you’ll see the depression symptoms. If you have these, a return to an antidepressant would be very helpful. Otherwise, you will “burn out” over the next few months.

Lastly, and this is one of those psychological theories, I suspect you have been traumatized by your experience with your son. Repeated exposure to high-stress situations produces a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). We develop traumatic Emotional Memory (see my article on this website) that is then triggered each time the child cries or screams. With each cry or scream, our entire memory system lights up and our body chemicals are released. As a result, we “flinch” and have other behaviors, including a strong negative reaction to picking up the child. In theory, the child may be able to sense your reaction, much like a dog can smell fear on a stranger, making the situation worse. As a result, you have an upset mother trying to calm an upset child — it doesn’t work very well. I’d recommend using some of my suggestions in the Emotional Memory handout to calm your automatic reaction to the child’s distress. I’d also seek a higher-level consultation with specialists in your community.