Depressed Boyfriend. How Can I Help?

Reader’s Question

I met my partner just over a year ago; he had just stopped taking Seroxat which he had taken for five years. He said that he stopped taking it as he still felt depressed whilst on it and it had even led him to self harm which he had never done prior to taking the medication. He said that he felt much better once he had stopped taking it, although he has lost the ability to cry. We have had a really happy relationship up until recently, even though he has a very negative view of everything and genuinely believes that life is pointless, most people are awful and everything always ends in failure. He loves me very much and likes to be with me; however, he feels that even our relationship will eventually end as things never work out in the long run. Recently he has become extremely depressed again, sleeping too much, becoming anxious and even considering suicide. I really want to help him but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if his negative thoughts feed his depression or if the depression creates negative thoughts. He won’t consider medication as he feels it didn’t work last time and is pointless, however he was put on a very high dose of Seroxat and I have heard there are bad side effects to this anti-depressant. What do you recommend that he should do or that I could do to help him?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

From your description, his depression has returned. If he’s considering suicide, it’s returned aggressively. He should be encouraged to recontact his psychiatrist or mental health professional. We have a variety of antidepressant medications available, and perhaps one with fewer side effects can be selected. I would recommend that both of you read my article on Understanding Depression on my website at www.drjoecarver.com as well as other articles and items on this website. Keep in mind that when depression returns…it returns the same way each time. He will soon experience thoughts of self-harm.

Offer to research medication options with him. Offer to accompany him to a mental health consultation. It’s very important that he begin a treatment program as soon as possible. In clinical practice, we lose a lot of marriages, relationships, jobs, careers, etc. to Depressive illness. In fact, Major Depression is the #1 disabling psychiatric disorder in the workplace. Without treatment he will gradually fade away in the relationship and return to a withdrawn life of despair.

It may be important to remind him that while the medication did have side effects in the past, it improved his mood to the point that he was able to meet you and form a loving relationship. Stopping an antidepressant medication is misleading. It takes a long time for the medication to get out of the system and for the depression to resurface…as in his case. Many folks stop their medication and feel OK — assuming they are cured at that point. The depression returns months later — again very aggressively.

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